A Letter to Allstate

Hello XXXXX,

As you move towards the review of my claim before making your settlement offer, I'd like to tell you a few details in the hope that you will be taking this into consideration.

While we determined earlier this month that I was returned to pre injury status, I have to say, that while I am ready to settle, that is in no way true. My pre-injury status was that of a strong, fast cyclist. A cyclist for whom a 60 mile ride was an easy afternoon spin. A cyclist whose 2005 event completion included two double centuries (200 miles in a day) and ten centuries (100 miles in a day). In addition, I went on a four day, five hundred mile cycling vacation in 2005. I had planned to race in the 2006 cycling season.

All of that changed on April 5, 2006 when XXXXX XXXXXX struck my car during rush hour traffic on the 580 freeway. When Mr. XXXXX slammed into me from the side, it impacted both my neck and low back. My head snapped to the side. My pelvis was also thrown to one side. I experienced shooting pains up my spine and went to the Emergency Room at Kaiser after the accident.

While Allstate might claim I suffered "only soft tissue injuries", it was to the extent that I spent several months in pain, requiring medications such as muscle relaxants to cope with the spasms and prescription strength ibuprofin and vicodin to manage the pain. As late as November, I was still requiring muscle relaxants. I am not someone who like to ingest medications of any kind.

I lost my entire 2006 cycling year from that point on. What was my biggest passion and brought me so much joy now brought me to tears, from both pain and frustration. I could no longer ride with my friends, so my social life suffered. I could no longer get the exercise I was used to, so my overall health and mental health suffered. Ask any athlete who cannot exercise at their level and they will tell you it takes quite a toll on you mentally. I couldn't race. I could barely ride. The seven day 600 mile cycling vacation I had hope to go on with my friends, instead I spent trying to recover from these injuries. I missed the 2006 Death Ride, for which I'd already paid $89 and made the lottery cut to get in.

A few weeks after the accident, I had to buy a new bed. I had been borrowing a bed from a friend, and suddenly even sleeping caused me pain. For months, sleeping in a bed that wasn't mine caused me pain and stiffness. This wasn't how I've ever lived. I continued to have disruptions in my sleep due to pain well into early December.

I've begun riding again, starting small and trying to rebuild my cycling endurance level. Yesterday I was in tears on a ride. I was riding alone, because all my elite athlete friends have pronounced me too slow to ride with. I was going up a hill and I was feeling sore in my low back, specifically the quadratus lumborum. Before the accident, I was a very strong hill climber, nicknamed the "Ponytail Express". Here I was going up a hill at 3.5 mph. This was a hill I had easily taken at 12 mph before the accident. While I was grateful to be alive and on my bike, this was not my pre-injury status.

It occurred to me then that the 2007 cycling season will essentially be lost, too. It will not be about riding with my friends, it will be about rehabbing alone and gradually working to build my strength to get back to where I was before Mr. XXXXXX was reckless enough to hit me while uninsured.

I was invited to be a cycling mentor for the 2007 Team in Training group for this year's Death Ride. As much as I would have loved to support a team raising funds for leukemia (as I did in 2005), I knew I was not strong enough to be a cycling mentor. It was with great sadness that I declined. There's no way I'll be able to ride the Death Ride in 2007.

In addition to the loss of my greatest joy in life, there have been other repercussions from the accident. I experience stress and anxiety now when driving on the freeway. I am particularly stressed and anxious when I am a passenger in a car. My boyfriend has had to endure my panicky outbursts when he's safely driving for months now. This still continues.

While I am not claiming a loss due to work pay, I did suffer a loss. All these medical appointments caused me to miss work. As an freelance photo producer, I work on-site in ad agencies on an hourly pay basis. I am not contracted for a specific amount of money, but rather to produce a job. I did lose hours of work. But I know this is hard to track given the uniqueness of my employment, which is why I am not seeking lost wages. I was very fortunate enough to be working at a company who my boss was a work friend and she understood what I was going through and was gracious about my missing hours in the office.

I have spent over $7000 in medical treatments and expenses. I was reimbursed for the first two thousand. I am sure you can understand the loss of five thousand dollars from one's bank account being a hardship. Even though I am considered returned to pre-injury status, I am truly not there yet, if you take into account that I was an elite athlete. This year will involve added expenses of working with a coach and a trainer to try to regain my athletic abilities to where they were before the accident. While I understand Allstate won't be paying for this, I would like it if this were considered just for a moment in the claim. It's not going to be an easy year to truly return to pre-injury status.

Can you imagine how you would feel if the activity outside of work that brought you the most joy was suddenly taken away from you and only caused pain? I understand it is your job to bring a claim to closure quickly and for the lowest amount possible. So while you do your job, please consider the human element of what the past eight months have held for me.
I may be able to live life like a normal sedentary person, but I am not anywhere near the level of my pre-injury fitness, mobility, and capacity as an athlete.

For years I have had Allstate Insurance, all the while believing the marketing slogan, "Allstate. You're in good hands." Am I in good hands? I would like to believe that Allstate will settle in good faith and offer a fair and reasonable settlement.

I look forward to hearing from you next week.

Jen

Happy Crasher

Happy Crasher
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I love snowboarding!

Just spent the weekend up at Kirkwood. No new snow, but it was still fun. Saturday I had a really good day. No falls. Didn't even wipe out getting off the lift. It felt really good.

Sunday morning we woke up to howling winds. We suspected the mountain might be closed, and we weren't wrong. Three lifts were open, mostly really easy stuff. So after dawdling, we went out for a couple hours. I don't know what changed from the day before, but I was a mess. Thankfully it was a brief day! I lacked confidence, which kept me from catching my heel edge easily. I don't know what was up. It got a tiny bit better, but riding wasn't fluid like it was on Saturday. We rode until the end of the day, and then made a really yummy dinner of roasted stuffed squash.

We were lucky to have stayed right on the mountain (luck costs bucks, in this case) and we rode again on Monday. Once again, it felt great. I really enjoyed the bluebird day. Not crowded or cold. Just a really fun day, even if I did crash more than Saturday.

Snowboarding is F U N ! ! !

Back in the Saddle

I'm back!

Two weeks ago, my chiropractor and I proclaimed me restored to "pre-injury status". This means I am finally done treating from the car accident I was in back in April 2006. I walked away from that accident, but the accident changed the rest of 2006. I could no longer do what I loved and with the people I call my friends.

Cycling sends me over the moon. I can't express how it scrubs clear the cobwebs in my brain.

But all of December I'd been hemming and hawing about getting back on the bike, even though I wasn't working. I was telling myself, "It's no fun to ride alone".

Bullshit!

Yesterday, one of my favorite people gave me back cycling. Marty said, "wanna ride soon?" in an email. We were out there yesterday afternoon, in the freezing cold at 4pm for a quick spin. I've certainly lost some power and strength, but not the joy of being on the bike. That is, so long as I lose the ego, and not think of what level of riding I was at during the 2005 season.
It wasn't an earth shattering ride; it was only an hour long. But it showed me that my legs were still strong, just not what they were. Thanks to the performance indoor cycling program (we can't call ourselves Spin, because we don't license from Johnny G) at Berkeley Ironworks, I've been able to maintain cardio and some strength.

So today, I went riding again. Alone. Riding alone is fun, because cycling is fun. It was freezing out, and I had to go to REI to get a skull cap and a proper cycling windbreaker. (Thankful once again, I am an employee of the REI Outdoor School and entitled to that employee discount!)

Another "quick ride". See, for me, anything less than 30 miles was not worth breaking out the bike. I have to lose that thinking, and appreciate the sheer joy of being in the saddle. Climbing hills on a bike has always been a favorite part of cycling, and I still love it.

So, while I get back into cycling shape and my 2007 cycling season evolves, I'll try to keep cycling related blather over here . It could get tedious, I'll warn you. I may use that blog to document my training progress in only a way I care to follow. Who knows. Who knows what this season will bring. But it's nice to be back.

Have you been to Meez?

What a fun little timesuck!

La di da.

Total Cuteness
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I have not worked since Thanksgiving.

Clearly, I need to get out more, because I am talking to the cats.

That is all.

Another cat. What the hell?

Another cat. What the hell?
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I'm starting to scare even myself. Am I destined to be a crazy cat lady? I swear I won't get one of those funky smelling apartments where it's obvious that there are cats due to catstench.

suggested names for this little guy are welcomed!

his foster mom named him picasso. no way.

he looks like ink was thrown on him; you have to see his crazy markings.

named bandied about:

splat: looks like he was splattered with ink
jack: he looks like a jackson pollock painting

he's so contrasty compared to the creamy orange Hippo.

Shallow Me

Apparently, I am shallow. And I like it.

I am a magazine junkie. I'll read nearly any magazine, and usually even have a subscription to a handful of different magazines. If P didn't mock Oprah as hard as he does, I'll probably even have a sub to "O", even though she's such an egomanic that she's on the cover every month.

Anyway.

Have you ever given magazines' purpose any thought? I mean, besides to sell ads, although this fits in nicely with my theory. Magazines exist to tell you about your imperfections. How to camoflage those 10 pounds. How to be more thoughtful. Stronger. Better looking, through make-up and fashion, of course. How to get rid of the gut, have a nicer house, get a better car, trick out your motorcycle, and overall, how to overhaul your sad-sack of a life. And if you want to avoid recognizing your pathetic life, you can drown yourself in celebrity tabloids. Now, those people are fucked. Even if they are rich!

Oh, and those ads? They're there to help you understand which products you'll need for your self-improvement project.

So magazines are essentially there to point out our flaws (and improve them) and to sell products.

Why do I love magazines so? A lot of them are ALL ads (hello, Vogue!). A lot have bad photography. But they're like little snippets into a culture. They're aspirational (hello, marketing buzzword!). They are a timesuck. Okay, there's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Plus they are a waste of paper. Few use eco-friendly inks. I gotta get over this magazine thing.

Also, I heard on the radio yesterday an interview with some gal who wrote a book about current trends. Can't recall the title, only that she works at J Walter Thompson. She was speaking about how we're all feeling an emotional void which is why we try to fill it up with products.

But it was her comments about the superficiality of our relationships that stuck with me. She said we'd rather have 14 "lite" friends of a superficial nature with whom we can have small talk. Those people make us feel good and we can interact with them in brief spurts. She claims we, as a society, prefer that to having a small group of truly deep friendships, the kind of friends we can spend two hours talking to. She asserts it's because we don't have or make time, so we squeeze our friendships in wherever we have a moment in the cracks of our lives.

She may be right. I notice this myself. I have many "friends". How many of these "friends" do I get together with on a regular basis and gift them with my time and attention. Very few, but they're also not seeking it out because we all have busy lives and they, too, seemingly prefer the kind of quick interactions that friendship seems to be about these days. I have few friends that I get together with or have long, meaningful conversations. I cherish each of these people and times we get together. But there are people with whom I'd like to spend more time....I just don't "have" the time. That's bullshit, though.

One revelation I had years ago was this: for those who don't have enough time, they need to remember it's about choices. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. No one gets any more or any less. We all choose how we spend those 24 hours. So when you don't "have" time to spend with friends, or to go to the gym or whatever, it's because it's not a priority enough to make time for it.

Which leads me back to feeling shallow and selfish because there are people I truly want to connect with and somehow haven't made the time to do so.

the waves of 2006

last year I called the year end recap "cheesy". mmmm.....cheese. i'll eat those words, cause apparently i am doing it again. it's a fun thing to look back on a year later, thus, I bring you the thumbs-up and the boos of 2006.

The Crap:

Had to put Milo down. Hands down, this was the saddest, shittiest thing of 2006. I miss him still.

The Car Accident on April 5, 2006 and the resulting loss of my cycling year. Learned how much Allstate sucks, too.

Worked a hell of a lot and didn't have much downtime during the good weather.

Basically shut down the dog biz due to being so busy in advertising.

Didn't make it to Yosemite even once.

No backpacking trips.

Parking in my 'hood.


The Good:

Sold the house right before the market skidded and did well on the sale.

Purging and simplifying during the move. It's nice to have less stuff!

A couple good car camping trips.

Having a solid friendship with my ex-spouse.

Luna staying in good health and getting to see the joy of her having two homes.

The freedom of renting versus owning. Owning isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Being in a really healthy, wonderful relationship with someone I adore.

Hippo the Cat, a fun addition to the fam.

The Longest Night

It is the Winter Solstice. The shortest day. The longest night of the year.

A time of darkness. And the promise of lightness. New life. New beginnings to move forth from the darkness. A time for quiet. Introspection.

Light a candle tonight and sit for a moment in silence. Appreciate what has come to pass and all that there is to come.

Holiday Madness

People are insane right now.

For real. The frenzy of the holidays brings out the worst in people right now. The expectations of the holidays, the shopping in particular, results in people being crazed right now. Hurried. Rude. Inconsiderate. Absent-minded. Must shop. Gotta get everything on the list. People seem quick to cut each other off driving.

What about good cheer? Goodwill towards others? It's gone the wayside due to consuming, and the commercialism of this grouping of holidays.

It sucks. Reason # 613 I ignore the holidays. Perhaps this year, with taking the month off, I am more acutely aware of the madness because I am not moving anywhere near that pace of life.

In other news: I sat for a few more hours of tattoo work on my belt piece. It's nearly done; just have another couple hours of the fine details work, the shading and refining. Marcus layers his colors in like a watercolor, so he likes to see the colors from session to session so he can really work in the details. This sitting was more painful than the last one. I was complain-y and getting electrical current-like radiating sensations far from the actual needlin'.

Advice for the day: If you get tattooed along the beltline the day before, it's a really bad idea to put on spandex shorts and go to a spin class less than 24 hours after a tattoo appointment.

I'm not, honest!

Playful Loon
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I'm really truly not turning into a crazy cat lady, blogging and flickring all about my cat.

i'm just an all around animal nut, and to prove it, here's a photo of my supercute dog Luna. She took a break in between killing her stuffed toy to post for the camera.

Am I dork? Quite possibly.

Introducing.....Hippo!

Kitten Study #1
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

yep, that's his name.

Powder Days

Caught my first day of snowboarding yesterday. It was awesome! P and I got season passes to Kirkwood and since I'm taking the month off, I wanted to get up there fast. Tahoe got a foot of snow this past weekend. My friend Michelle and I drove up for the day, leaving Oakland in the rain before 6am.

We got in a good five hours of riding. My first run, as usual, left me thinking, "Do I remember how to do this?" and from there on out, it only got better. It's feeling more natural. Pilates seems to be helping my snowboarding, even!

A good good day. Wet heavy snow fell after lunch, but we still rode until the lifts closed.

So much fun. Went back to the car, and the tire chain mishap we had driving in left me with a flat tire. Called Triple-A, waited by the fire, and they came and replaced the tire and followed me up Carson Spur to make sure I could get out of the snow without my broken chains. Even that business didn't put a damper on a really fun day!

I'm already wanting to be back on the slopes!

Kitten needs a name!

Killing the Duck
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Mr. Kitten just ain't cuttin' it as his name.

No name has really jumped out. I had considered naming him True, since he was found at Truitt and White, the lumber yard, as a stray.
P didn't care for that name.

Help name the cat!

Current names under consideration:
P likes Angus. It makes me think "steak".
Henry. P likes, and I can live with it. A bit of a lackluster name.
Zeppo. I like, P is neutral. Zeppo is random. A bit nuts.

When he's not hiding under the couch, he's zipping all over the place. Kitty freak-outs. Attacking anything not moving. The spazzattack last about 15 minutes, then he's back under the couch for a nap.

We wonder if he needs a sibling. Most of the time he's a lone wolf just chillin'. But maybe he'd do well with a buddy?

Mr. Kitten has landed!

Adding to the family....

No, no, no. I'm not knocked up.

I adopted a kitten. He's being neutered today and I bring him home after his surgery.

The little guy picked ME, I swear. He's an orange tabby. He seems super mellow, at least in the shelter environment.

Kitten!

Mellow Monday and more to come

Ahhhhhhh.

Not gloating, but I'm done working! I left there Friday night with a sense of relief.

I had to teach Saturday morning at 7am, though. But I always get extra energized when I'm teaching a Spin class. My music, my designed workout and, in a sense, it's a bit of a performance. Two hours of class flew by. Saturday afternoon I took a three hour yoga class. One of my long-time teachers does a three hour workshop once a month. It's a way to chip away at the crust in one's muscles in a deep way. A hot tub and sauna finished my Saturday off nicely.

Sunday was more mellow, until we had a special birthday spin class for one of our friends, followed by a get-together at Trader Vics in Emeryville. Love that place, despite it being expensive with marginal service.

Luna girl didn't go to her Dads on Sunday night like she usually does. She's staying here for a couple more days, until I leave for Chicago. It's nice having a dog here more than two days a week. She's far less of a freak than she once was and has settled into being a nice mellow dog.

More mellow than manic today, too. I could get used to this. Got a massage this morning and then went to yoga. Did some errands, been chilling out at home, and now off to Spin.

After I get back from Thanksgiving travel, I plan to take a look at the December calendar and squeeze in some adventure, be it a camping trip or a quick visit to Yosemite. I'm hoping for snow soon, so I can start making use of this season pass to Kirkwood. The dude is saving for his motorcycle so there's no days off for fun outta him anytime soon.

I swear my shoulders are sitting three inches lower now that I'm not a computer slave in a shitty chair in a dark cube.

La la la. I could get used to this freedom.

Too funny!

So yesterday I posted my wish to the universe to hand me a slow period of work, since I seem unable to do it for myself.

Within two hours, I received an email about more work. HA!

It's a project I worked on a while back. It's more arty than what I usually produce. It's about art, not advertising. It's working from home finding cool art to be in klassy stores. It's working from h o m e . That alone is meaningful. Yes, of course there are the usual politics, layers of approvals, and the usual. But it could start after Thanksgiving and take me through the end of March.

working from home. during snowboarding season. uh huh.

i am going to give them my highest rate and see if they bite. no loss if they don't!

The Wall

I've hit the proverbial wall. I'm done. I'm exhausted. And cranky.

I no longer care. I just want to be done.

I've been working too much this year. Giving too much of my own energy, brainpower and life. I don't know how the people around me, the staffers, do it. We're all working on one of the biggest product launches in years, and these exhausted souls have been at it for months.

I wish I could be done working in advertising. I think what I find so draining about it is that I find it meaningless. It doesn't fuel my need to do personally meaningful work that has a purpose that I find worthwhile.

Today, while riding BART into the city, I thought, "I really wonder what it would take to work in Veterinary Medicine." In high school I abandoned my call to be a Vet, thanks (or not) to some very misguided advice from my high school guidance counselor.
I want to work with animals. I want to be involved in holistic health. This is all overshadowed by my reluctance to go into debt by going back to school.

It's hard to summon the ongoing energy to work on something that doesn't feel fulfilling.

I've also realized that if I want time off, I need to turn down work. I would really like the month of December off. I'm just putting that out into the universe, since I seem to have a difficult time turning down work.

In other news:

I've really been feeling the loss of Milo lately. I've had a couple hard crying jags. He would have been eight at the end of this month. I still miss his velvety block head and weighty silent presence on a regular basis.

I have decided to take fun into my own hands. Years ago, I said I wanted to do a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon. Next year, I will do it. Alone.

I've also been talking about taking a yoga teacher training course. Next year I want to begin this. I'm not saying I will be a yoga teacher immediately afterwards, but I want to begin the process.

Starting in December, I have a permanent slot teaching Spin at Berkeley Ironworks. An evening class, even!

There's a lot of good in my life. I just need to take a step back from all this work to recognize and appreciate it.

Times Square from the 41st Floor

A Long Time Ago

I'm having dinner tomorrow evening with an old friend. A person I have not seen since art school in 1989.

I can't wait. This ought to be fascinating. Google in an amazing tool.

Duh, Jen...

Newsflash!

I'm working too damn much.

I haven't been to the gym in 12 days. Sure, I've been sick. But, still. I vote for sleep over spin, and that's not right. Neither is it right that it's not light out until after 7am, which is part of my problem in waking up.

Must. Exercise. Soon.

Changing Seasons

Fall is definitely in the air. We've had our first rain. The air is chillier. Comfort foods and soups are making appearances. For me, though, the changing season is signified by getting my first cold of the season. Which would be fine, if I were like a normal person who got a cold and said cold continued on it's merry way after a few days.

No such luck. Since I was a small child, colds often morphed into something larger. Sinus infections. Bronchitis. A few times, pneumonia. All require antibiotics. Nowadays, as a stubborn adult who eschews medication and goes for alternative remedies, this usually means a week or more of being miserable until I give in and go to the doctor. This week has been filled with painful hacking coughs, shortness of breath, an asthma attack or two, and feeling like hell. My coughing is worse at night. It routinely kicks up into full gear around 4am. My dearone P has been woken nightly by my bouts of coughing. I've even woken the neighbors above me in the pre-dawn coughing spells.

My body is incredibly sore from all the coughing. I feel like I've done a thousand crunches. My psoas aches. My thighs ache. My chest and shoulders are sore to the touch.

I broke down and went to Kaiser today. Antibiotics, inhalers, codeine cough syrup. The predictable goody bag.

More importantly, I go to my acupuncturist tomorrow. I managed to score a cancellation. I should have gone sooner, the "fall tune-up" is something that should become part of my preventative routine.

Tomorrow's a big needlin' day. After the acupuncture, I go get my tattoo worked on! Haven't had a session since June, so I don't care how sick I am, I'm not about to cancel this one.

I finished a nice freelance gig yesterday. Six weeks back at my old haunt. Nice to see everyone. Amazingly, I had two agencies wanting to have me start on Monday. Nice to be able to have choices. I am incredibly grateful and surprised at how work keeps showing up. I don't even have a resume these days. In this business, if you're pleasant to work with, do a kickass job, and leave things wrapped up so someone else doesn't have to figure out loose ends, it seems to be plenty to push one's professional reputation forward and keep the work coming. All those things come easily, and I'm so so so much happier being a freelancer. I was hoping for a break, but I'm riding out this wave of work and being grateful that I can earn this kind of money and save save save.

Snowboarding season is just around the corner, and I'll be happy to have those slower months to be in Tahoe.

That's what's keeping me plowing through all this work.

Gotta go hydrate.

On the brighter side

Little Miss Cranky Pants (which is what I consider myself to be when I read something like my last posting) will be taking some down time this weekend. Tomorrow I'll be heading up to Mendocino for a four day women's yoga retreat. Four hours a day of yoga, good food, good company, and stargazing ought to chill me out.

Planning to bring my bike with the hopes I can squeeze in a long ride on Highway One. I love riding on the coast.

Another Month, Another Thought.

I'm 37.

Damn it. I'm starting to feel the effects of aging. Not the "Oh my god, i have wrinkles!" sort of aging. I feel it physically.

I'm just coming off an intense work stretch of nearly two weeks of working without a day off. Long hours, long days, strung together. Lots of driving. I feel exhausted, not right, lethargic. In recent memory, a day off and I'd bounce back fine. Didn't need lots of sleep or pampering. Not so any longer. I need sleep. Desperately. So much so that I am choosing sleep over early morning spin classes, which really sucks incredibly hard.

I've been noticing my knees are stiff and achy more often than not. I have arthritis which usually appears in the winter months. It seems to have settled in on a full time basis lately. The shots I get in both knees usually last a full year. The shots had seven months of usefulness this year.

When I went away earlier in the month, I slept in a bed that wasn't mine. My back hasn't been right since. Granted, I was in a car accident nearly six months ago (when the hell can I stop thinking about the accident and all the ways it has impacted my life? Such a minor accident in the scheme of things, yet it has impacted more than words can say month after month.) Why would a different bed destroy my back? I'm fucking aging. And life is handing me very obvious signs, because I am known for missing subtle cues handed to me by my own self.

There is an end in sight to the work. They hired a full-timer. I'll be staying on until she starts and get her up to speed, then make my departure into the unknown. I hope to see a lot of hours in the gym and on the saddle in the second half of October.

Fuck, man, aging sucks.

New Growth

New Flower
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

This flower opened a few days ago.

Seemingly insignificant. And it is. Aside from this being the plant I bought when I moved into the apartment. This whole branch has since developed from the main stem, essentially from nothing, over the course of a few months sitting in front of the big window diffused by airy linen.

Before moving, I could never keep a houseplant alive, let alone an orchid.

It's so pretty.

Restored

Burney Creek
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Camping trip was most excellent.

We went with P's wing-it method, which is a little different than Little Miss Planner's methodology. Although I did some research online and had printouts and such, really, it all came down to getting in the car and driving. We looked at, and rejected, campgrounds along Lake Shasta. Too populated, too many RV's, too tourtisty for our tastes. We like our camping to be more remote and free of people close by.

We drove farther north, and headed out 89 East past McCloud. Saw more campgrounds. At about 6pm, we declared a winner. Algoma campground was on Forest Service land. No running water, and an unmaintained vault toilet. It was also free, and we scored a site on McCloud river, with no people in sight. It was awesome hearing the river at all times.

Spent two nights there, checking out the McCloud River waterfalls, the towns of Weed and Mt. Shasta, and having slow mornings. I now have a souvenir "Experience Weed, California" t-shirt to commemorate the trip.

We decided to do some road trippin'. Headed out 89 East again, to check out Burney Falls, drove through Lassen National Park (awesome! far less crowded than Yosemite, and some darn purty landscapes!) We had a snowball fight in August near Mt. Lassen peak; well, not so much as a snowball fight as I ambushed my traveling partner. Made a mental note that I'd love to hike up Lassen peak sometime, plus that place is so uncrowded it would be great for backpacking.

Kept on truckin' out of Lassen and decided to find our campsite for the night. We drove to Lake Almanor and found a nicely empty campground on the south shore of the Lake. It was blissfully quiet thanks to it being Sunday evening. P made a bean stew that even after cooking for, oh, about three hours and two cannisters of propane, the beans were still hard in the center. Go figure. Late and dark into the evening, we heard a noise that caused P to pause (note: only pause, because being a manly-man, he does not frighten. ha!). I recognized the screams as a pack of coyotes in the night. To those who've not experienced such a sounds, it sounds quite like a screaming child and something not-quite-human. Wild!

Next morning we tried to cook those damn beans some more in hopes of having breakfast, but after another hour they still were hard. (And even after two more hours at home that evening: still hard! what the hell?). Finally we gave up on the beans, and headed out. We took Highway 70 down the North Fork of the Feather River. Unbelievably gorgeous territory. Shocking to come into the Delta Towns that were utter shite. Made our way back home, relaxed and happy to have had a few days in nature.

This week has been more dental work, more errands, and then it's back to work for me on Monday! Two weeks off was great, not enough, but hey! That's all some staffers get all year. Ouch! Anyway, I have to wrap my brain around the idea of long hours and such again, but at least did my annual hourly rate increase, so I can't complain too much.

Except I'd like to live someplace more mellow and less crowded. Some day, perhaps.

Intimately Familiar

Could you readily point to your quadratus lumborum?

I didn't think so.

I can. It's a source of pretty regular discomfort. It took the hit in my car accident back in April. (April! Nearly five months ago. Why am I not back to 100% yet? It makes me crazy to seem "fine" but to have still such an impact on my cycling abilities.)

Today I was at my chiropractor (whom I love, love, love!) and she waas telling me I needed to work and stretch my QL (quadratus lumborum, shorthand). Yoga, duh. She said "surfing would be really good for it". I have to say, I have always wanted to learn to surf. It was one of two things I wanted to learn when I moved to California 10 years ago. I grew up on the ocean, on Cape Cod. I have salt water in my blood, even though I'm not a stellar swimmer. So I will file this in my brain, and perhaps look for one of those Chick Surf Clinics. Like I don't already have a million different activities that I partake in, that require gear.

Anyway, my quadratus lumborum is sore today. Now that I'm not working, I'm cycling/spinning more. Today will see 2.5 hours of spinning, dork that I am.

I better enjoy the time off while I have it. I just got booked for September. Another agency than the last (in fact, I spent 5 years on staff at the agency I'll be spending my September with!). Gotta deal with the dental BS before then; root canal is done. (thanks to valium and nitrous, it wasn't so bad!)

I am pondering the idea of recovering psychologically from my injuries. It makes me mad and sad and frustrated that I feel slow, sluggy and heavy on the bike. When I simply ride, without regard to speed, it's pure and enjoyable. When I do the mental comparison to where I was pre-accident, I get down. I really, really want to be better. I'd like to do one century this year, just to prove to myself I'm not some lameass.

Evolving

Hip Belt
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Oh man, I've been a blogging slacker. Free time seems to avoid me; I am expert at squeezing 20 more things into a day. I never seem to have enough time, there's always something I "should" do or "want" to do.

I want some down time. And the good news is, I'm about to get it!

Yep, my freelancing gig ends Friday! I am excited by the possibility of wide open hours ahead of me. Sure I'll miss the dough (especially since I am about to incur some major expenses, but more on that later.) but I am into the game of Extreme Thrift: it's fun to see just how much one can cut expenses and purchases. But even more than my being into the fun of Thrift, I am more excited by reclaiming my own time. I am always very conscious of trading dollars for my life energy.

The ad agency I've been at for the past three months is a very busy place. I've met some cool people, but in general, ad people aren't My People. I am looking forward to not having my ass be the shape of an Aeron chair. To not be in a cube, on conference calls, in meetings, negotiating, producing, and juggling. Instead, I'm about to see freedom.

So while there are some freelancers who would start getting worried about not having work, I am very much looking forward to it. It's one of the main reasons I freelance. I've been lucky as a freelancer; I'm as busy as I'd like to be. But I require a couple months off a year.

Now that I've gloated, I'll whine. Those expenses I mentioned earlier? Yeah. Check this: I need a root canal, a crown, and new tires on my car. Ka-ching! That just ate into about a month's living expenses.

When I was told today that Friday definitely would be my last day, my first thought was: "YES! This means I can go for a long bike ride before my root canal on Monday!" I'm looking forward to getting back into the physical shape I was in a few months ago (car accident + day job with long hours = 5 pounds). I'd like to even try gym climbing again to see how the shoulder is doing. What can I say? I'll probably spend 3+ hours a day exercising. Some people think I exercise too much already. (Ha! Hardly!)

I'm also going camping in a week. A trip is in the works to go up to Lake Shasta area. Being in the outdoors like that is so therapeutic for me. It's unbelievable what it does for my soul. I got me one hell of a cute camp partner who also happens to be a fabulous cook.

Jeez, I feel like a lucky girl.

Life is Good!

Ball Obsessed!
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I sound like one of those cheesy t-shirts they sell at REI. You know the ones.

It's been a l-o-n-g time since I've updated.

The house sold. Quickly. Easily. For a lot more than asking, and seven offers. The media hype about the real estate market's decline is BS.

The divorce is final. Legally single. Happy to have that whole thing wrapped up and to still be friends. I wish him only happiness and a life that is meaningful.

I'm recovering nicely from the car accident. Thanks to a lot of bodywork. I sold my Death Ride ticket, though, because I am not strong enough for that this year. Maybe next year? Who knows. I haven't done more than 40 miles in a long time.

I'm all settled into my apartment on Lake Merritt. I really like it here! It's so nice to see the changing light on the lake, the Canadian Geese babies, and the spaciousness of having a lake nearby.

Been working a steady freelance gig for two months now. It's good money. Very steadily busy, long hours, and back to working in an office five days a week (that took some getting used to!). Looks like it will continue for at least a month.

Aside from life being very busy and filled with work things are pretty mellow. Haven't been this happy in a long while. I wish I could spend more time with Luna Dog, but she stays with me on the weekends.

Heading out this weekend for my first camping trip of the year. Going up the coast north of Jenner. Looking forward to a mellow time, good hikes, yummy camp food, and practicing yoga outdoors.

Seeya!

New Tattoo

I've got a new tattoo.

Guess where it is?

No fair if you've seen it in person. If you've seen it up close, you know me better than most.

B r e a t h e . . . .

Quiet
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Life is pretty damned good these days.

More soon.

Ahhhhhhhh.........

Crashed out
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Finally!

I can rest. The house is on the market, as of today. Been working our asses off for weeks to get it ready. Funny, all the work that we hoped to do on the house while living there was done, as to make it someone else's home. Things were painted beige, a color not in my vocabulary. Things were "neutralized" across the board. A stager was hired. I gotta say, it looks amazing. It also looks like Not My House, which makes it easy to begin the detachment process. Soon, I'll no longer be a homeowner.

Two weeks ago I moved to the Lake Merritt part of Oakland. I like it here. It's such a change of pace from the suburbs of Richmond. I found a dog friendly apartment easily, and it happens to be a very cool apartment at that. I like to ignore the fact that my rent is more than my mortgage payment.
I live within easy walking distance to a grocery store. And, hey! One of the best things: restaurant delivery!

The day after I moved to Oakland, I got in my very first car accident. Bummer. I was hit by an unlicensed, uninsured driver on 580. I'm pretty much okay (back sprains and pain) and my car has been fixed. I'm drowning in insurance paperwork. But Hell! Recall how I used to complain about driving in traffic on 80? Be careful what you ask for. Now I dodge other vehicles in the madness that is known as the 580 Freeway.

Luna dog is here living with me, as evidenced by her crashed out sleeping on the couch. Rough life, eh? This is what she does while I work. Fortunately during all the hectic work of moving and selling the house and the car accident, I've been able to work from home. I'm working on a freelance project for Banana Republic. I'm finding artists to be in their in-store art program. Fun stuff.

In other news, it's been raining endlessly. Haven't been out riding my bike in forever. Now it's nice during the week, but is supposed to rain on the weekend. Gotta start training for the Death Ride soon!

I feel exhausted. Like I've been carrying a 50 pound weight strapped to my back for a month, and it was just taken off today. I am bone tired. I desperately want and need a weekend away. But it may not come anytime soon. Even camping would be swell. A break from the routine and some detachment from day to day life would be hugely relaxing now.

Oh man. Keep your fingers crossed the house fetches a good price. If I get some good money out of it, I'm going to go for a REAL extravagant vacation, like Maya Tulum or maybe even Canyon Ranch. You know, some swanky spa vacation like the rich ladies go on. Wouldn't that be nice?

Very Pink

Pink Bathroom
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

this is the very pink bathroom in my new place.

Forward Progress

Despite not working, I've been way busy. Here's a quick update.
I got Milo's paw print tattooed on me.
I found an apartment, rather easily, and it's mine on April 1st (no joke!)
I'm moving to Oakland!
There have been many runs to the dump, to donate, and to storage.
purge purge purge. it feels very good.
Barely been outside riding (cold, wet, and busy)
Have been teaching a weekly spin class at Ironworks.
Been getting my ass kicked in Scrabble lately.
All the divorce papers are done and we're still buds.
My resistance is low, and I caught a respiratory bug.
(I was sick this same time last year, with the same thing, go figure.)
I am very grateful so have so many good people in my life.

And I'm going to get a massage right now!

xoxo

Uh-Oh....

I made the cut for Death Ride lottery.

I'm in. Guess I better start training?

Once things settle down a bit I will. Right now, I'm about to move, about to sell my house, and about to go a leetle bit nutso....

It's March.

How did it get to be March already?

Hmmmm.

I've got too damned much on my plate right now, on my mind. It was a month ago tomorrow that I said goodbye to Milo; random thoughts and reminders can still send me into tears. The divorce, well, that's still plodding along and should be finalized in June. I've worked exactly six days this year; thus far, haven't been paid for any of the work. Oh, and it looks like we're going to be selling our house. That's the biggie: getting it ready to sell (oh, the amount of work that needs to be done!), putting it on the market, and then joining the Bay Area rental market. No doubt I'll be paying at least double what my share of the mortgage was. Any one of these issues would be enough. Nope, massive change is being thrown at me all at once.

I tell myself it can only get better, right?

I keep my fingers crossed for work, doing all the network-y stuff that's necessary but no fun. Work would at least take my mind off the other stuff and not make me feel vulnerable and poor.

I'm purging objects from my life, selling things on Craig's List left and right. I gave up my parking spot in the garage to two piles marked "dump" and "donate". Want anything? As much as I feel like I've let go, it still seems like there's so much physical clutter in my life.

Luna Dog is being exceptionally cute and cuddly lately. She's going for more car rides, more trips to the park. I'm thankful she's still in my life. There! I said something positive.

Cue up the Calgon commercial... I could use it.

Today's PMS-inspired thought

Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it.

New Ink

New Ink
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Finally got the new tattoo I've been jonesin' for.

Sadness

Milo's Last Day
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I'm missing him like crazy. He was such a presence in my life in small ways I wasn't even aware.

A day hasn't gone by without tears.

He was such a special soul.

Goodbye Milo

Milo
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Milo, aka Dresden's Eye of the Storm.
November 28, 1998 - February 3, 2006.

My sweet little guy is gone. I had to let him go. His kidneys couldn't keep going. I couldn't let him suffer any more. He was such a brave, strong, loving boy. Words cannot describe how much I miss him and how much I'm hurting.

More. Soon.

Looking Back

Me and Milo on Xmas eve
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Okay, so I'm not usually one for cheezy moments of Year In Review type stuff, but sometimes I think it's useful to remind oneself of things as a way to move forward.

So here I am, a summary of the highs and lows of my 2005.


The Best:

Landing the REI Adventures gig and had a blast doing it.

Got really into road cycling and had a lot of fun.

Milo’s health stabilized and improved.

Met and/or got closer to a few great people.

Made good money working as much as I wanted in advertising.

Felt like I learned a thing or two about life.

Felt gratitude for all the good in my life, and that I’ll learn from the bad.

Got outdoors a whole lot, and went some amazing places.



The Bummers:

The demise of my marriage.

The passing of Oscar The Cat.

Didn’t do as much dog training as I’d hoped.

It’s costly to keep Milo this healthy!

Spent a lot of time and money at the dentist due to another dentist.

Still depending on adbucks instead of more meaningful work.

Had some tough choices to make.

My yoga practice suffered, and therefore, so did I.



Hope 2006 is filled with love, lust and fun for all!

xoxo's to all my friends!

Solstice Thoughts

Happy Solstice
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Reading Yoga Journal, I came across some thoughts from Buddhist meditation teacher Sharon Salzburg. The article states: "Whatever you count on...is bound to change. So you naturally suffer when that change happens." But as Salzburg sees it, the suffering stems not from change itself but from resistance to it. "Life is change, " she says. "Everything gets older and dies. That's true of animals and plants and humans."

Such is the cycle of life.
Happy Solstice...

Sad But True

Odd & Strange
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

It feels a little strange to post this on the internet, but here goes:

I'm getting divorced.

Yeah, that's what's occupying a lot of my life these days. As sad as it is, it's mutual and amicable. It sucks, though. You never want this, but sometimes after a lot of hard work, it's the kindest gift we can grant one another. The gift of hope, of moving forward, of greater happiness. It doesn't need to be viewed as failure. We're friends. I will always have fond feelings and love him. We're choosing to look at it as the next evolution of our relationship. But, still, it's hard and painful and it sucks.

I told my father the news recently. He said, "Well, can't you guys TRY? Don't you want to?" Uh, well, we didn't wake up one morning and decide to bail. It's not a decision made spontaneously or lightly.

So that's what's up with me. I'm grateful to the friends who have been supportive and encouraging and tolerant of my funk.

Tomorrow's the Solstice. Here's to Darkness and New Beginnings.

Milo Turned 7!

Milo's Birthday!
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

My Big Guy, Milo, had his 7th birthday yesterday. Earlier this year, I never thought he'd make it to see seven. He's in renal (kidney) failure, but seemingly holding steady these days, with a lot of help.

Milo's latest addition to his suite of meds is EPO (epogen), a red blood cell producer. You know, what the cyclists are reputedly doping with. Milo's on performance enchancing drugs! I gave him his first EPO shot this weekend. It supposed to help him with his anemia resulting from the renal failure.

Anyway, Milo had a party hat and pork chop for his birthday. At first he was walking around with the wrapped meat, refusing to give it up. Once it was unwrapped for him, he chomped it down pronto.

Happy Birthday Milo!

Goodbye, Oscar

Oscar
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I had to let my dear, sweet cat Oscar go this past weekend.

Oscar has been declining slowly. He's had thyroid problems; he went from an 18 pound beefy boy to a 10 pound kitty this past year. He's been having other issues, too. Last week, though, it became clear he was really having difficulties. Oscar's back leg went out, and he moved about dragging the leg behind him. It just didn't work. The shuffling sound of the dragging appendage made me so sad.

Somehow, I knew I had to let him go. It was his time. We made the appointment to let him go. I am forever indebted to my wonderful vet and her staff for making the room and experience perfect for saying goodbye with dignity.

When Dr. Reed examined Oscar, she found a large mass in his abdomen. She said it was most likely cancerous, and it was pressing on a nerve in his leg, rendering the leg non-functional. This confirmed that this really was the right decision.

Saying goodbye was so hard. Staring into Oscar's eyes and watching him leave his body was so sad, yet so peaceful. He was ready, he didn't struggle. He was able to leave before the suffering became worse.

As I rode to the vet's office with the kitty carrier on my lap, I remembered the day in 1992 when I went to the ASPCA in uptown Manhattan looking for cat. It was Thanksgiving weekend, and I was living in Brooklyn having just graduated from college. Oscar was friendly and sweet even though his kennel card pronounced him "not good with other cats" (so true!). I brought Oscar home on the subway in a cardboard cat carrier. And for the next 13 years, Oscar was a part of my life. His weighty, stable presence was always a comfort.

R.I.P., my dear sweet friend. May you have Rottweilers to beat up on in Kitty Heaven and endless windows filled with sunshine and warm pillows.

The Return of Spinbox

The cycling season is winding down, and I'm about to enter my "rest" month.

Ha. As if.

Exercise is my antidepressant. Without it, I can be a glum bitch. Surely, now, I'd be quite unpleasant were it not for the exercise.

Tonight was the first night in a v-e-r-y long time that I went to "Spinbox", aka spin class followed immediately by boxing class. (Stopped because of all the cycling and to give my rotator cuff injury a chance to heal.) Whoa, my upper body got a workout. I'm sore already, including in my wrecked shoulder. I have a hard time with "take it easy" when it comes to punching.

It felt good. It felt needed. No rest for this girl.

Autumnal Equinox

Today is the last day of summer. Tomorrow is the first day of fall. How time flies.

Tonight, while riding, it seemed to get dark earlier than my awareness remembers. Now that it's dark, it feels especially cold.
Fall is always bittersweet to me. The changing leaves signal death and change.

I miss real seasons. Fall colors, falling leaves.

Speaking of colors, why is it called "feeling blue" when one is feeling down? I'd much rather be feeling purple. But blue it is.

Lost...but not forgotten?

Indian Caves
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Somehow I've lost the ability to listen to my heart and not put the needs of others before what is good and true for me.

I feel an intense introspective period coming on....

Excellent Trip

We're on Mt. Hoffman!
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Back from a great trip to Yosemite. Lots of great hiking; finally made it out to Young Lakes. Mount Hoffman, May Lake, Cloud's Rest were also taken in. Ate many one-pot gourmet wonders. Weather was perfect. Valley was crowded. Had an amazing time.

I'm swinging back through Yosemite this coming weekend since I'm doing a century over in Mammoth.

Coming out of the woods and hearing of the destruction from Katrina caused much sadness. Unbelievable, the situation.

Ponder This

On Mount Hoffman
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Feeling sad. Missing this place. Space. Soon.

G'night.

Compost Rules!

I love composting. For real. It fascinates me and makes me happy. I keep a bucket on the back steps and dump all the veggie scraps, coffee grounds, and other stuff into the bucket. Once a week it gets dumped into the compost bin in the back yard. It's fascinating to see the pile of last weeks food waste turning, becoming soil, taking on a new purpose and giving back to the soil.

When I lived in NYC, I was one of those dorks who composted with earthworms in a black bucket. Go figure, I freaked if there was a cockroach in the apartment, but I gleefully brought in the earthworms. Composting back then allowed me to feel connected to the soil and the nature I was missing.

I'm blogging about my compost bin not because my life is that boring, but because from the compost bin, a tomato plant is growing. It's getting large, and now it's flowering! I want to see if it will produce tomatoes. If it does, they'll be some wacky heirloom varitey, which would thrill me. I'm excited to see this tomato plant grow and thrive without any help from me. This heap is teeming with earthworms, and the soil is rich, dark, and fragrant (kinda like the coffee grounds that go in!). I'll post if the thing actually produces.

No life?

Okay, so it's been nearly a month since I've blogged. I was going to blog about the non-cycling aspects of my life here.

Does not blogging = no life (off the bike, or otherwise)?

Perhaps.

Let's see.... my REI Adventures guide gig kicks off in full this weekend. In addition to Hiking with Dogs, I'm co-leading the Women's Mountain Biking trips. (okay, so it's back to being about the bike, eh?)

The earth has shifted: my pally-o Justine got engaged. She's bored at her job, so watch out: there's serious Bridezilla Potential. Too much random obsessing and pondering can lead even the most normal chick into a Bridezillian state.

Got in a couple decent hikes lately. Got stung by a yellow jacket, with no epi pen in sight. Lived to tell.

The rest of this month is going to be action-packed (read: insane) with guiding, working at the ad-gig, a double century, and to culminate the month....my 36th Birthday. birthdaybirthdaybirthday.

Good and Bad news: The Ad Gig will dry up next month. They finally hired someone full time. I'll wrap up the week of August 8th. I'm very much looking forward to this, but will definitely miss the cash flow this has infused into my life since February.
I had no idea the gig would run this long! As a freelancer, you never know.

What else? I'm trying, rather unsucessfully, to give up processed foods and sugar. It's alternately amusing or torture-inducing. I'm very very happy that strawberries and blueberries are in season, though.

The dogs are both doing well right now. "Well" means no worse, and no better, which is pretty darn good to me.

I miss a lot of friends, both local and in Yosemite. I've not gotten to the Valley this summer to see any of my pals. I look forward to having a bit more free time soon.

There's more than the bike...

Although you'd not know it from this blog. The Ponytail Express will hopefully contain my obsessive cycling ramblings, thereby freeing this blog up to be about things other than cycling.

Like maybe dogs.

Or hiking. Or.... other stuff.

I'm craving chocolate right now. How's that for exciting news about my life?

Team in Training's Tahoe Ride

Parting Shot
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

more soon, but here's the quick version:

It was a great ride! The scenery was, of course, beautiful. Around the lake is 72 miles, so to make it a full Century we did an out-and-back to Truckee (this was the least scenic part of the ride). Otherwise, the crystal clear Lake was on our right for the whole ride.

It was a chilly day and at some points it was quite windy. What was supposed to be a fun, fast descent from Spooner Summit was a shocker: the wind felt like it was blowing us back up the hill and sideways.

Throughout the ride, there were people on the sides of the road cheering for us, offering us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and holding signs of encouragement.


There were TNT participants from across the country, so to distinguish individual groups from one another in a sea of identical TNT jerseys we mounted little items on our helmets. Wisconsin had cheese wedges, Florida had dolphins, North Carolina had Krispy Kreme logos, etc. Within the SF Bay Area group, each team chose different tokens. My team had small goats mounted on our helmets. Our group was made up of strong hill climbers, hence “billy goats” (and also for our Mentor named William Wang, nicknamed “Billy Goat”), but apparently this confused people from around the country. They couldn’t figure out the correlation between goats and San Francisco.

for those interested, my ride stats:

start time: 6:15am
finish: 1:45pm
total time on bike: 6:20
average speed: 15.0mph

Davis Double Century

Davis Double Century
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Wendy talked me into doing the Davis Double Century (yep, that's 200 miles in one day). After much wavering in the early part of the week and then deciding I wasn't going to do it, Wendy talked me back into it. Once I committed, I decided that not only was I going to do the ride, but I wanted to have FUN doing it. And I did! Yesterday was a blast!

Mark and I rode up to Davis on Friday afternoon and met Wendy, Marty and their partners and chowed down on a pasta feast. We intended to hit the sack early, since we were getting up at 3:45 am (!) for a 5am start.


I rode very conservatively for the first 50 miles, chatting with Wendy. The guys were eager to hop on a paceline, but we weren't.
I picked up the pace after rest stop #2 and from there on out, spent much of the day riding alone, but regrouped with them at various points and for lunch.

The iPod Shuffle was so key for this ride. I loaded it up with rockin' tunes and stuck a headphone in one ear. It was great to be on long stretches alone, seeing no one, and rockin' out on my bike checking out awesome scenery.

It was a warm sunny day, almost ideal. It was a great day for a ride. I set my cyclometer so that I couldn't watch mileage and that really helped. I was just riding. I do know I rode 90 miles in six hours by 12 noon.

I felt stronger in the second 100 miles than I did in the first 100. After lunch, I picked up the pace even more. I probably could have conserved energy by hopping on a few pacelines, but I wanted to ride at my own pace and check out the scenery rather than keeping an eye on someone's wheel. It was fun! After the last big hill climb, named Resurrection, it was downhill for 26 miles. Nice!

We all joined up again at the Guinda rest stop and rode the last 40 miles together. At sunset, these little bugs came out and the force with which they struck felt like being hit repeatedly with sand.

We started before sunrise and finished after sunset and it was a l-o-n-g day on the bike, but a fun one. I really enjoyed the Double. I had doubted my ability to pull it off, but now I realize I'm strong enough to do about any ride out there. But I'll still save the Death Ride for next year.

I Wish.

Clouds on Cloud's Rest
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I wish I were moving back to Yosemite this summer. I miss the place. I miss my friends there.

My lil' bro Jimmy (Aka TwinkieHead) just called; he's moving back. The call made me nostagic.

I miss being able to go backpacking every single weekend and explore new places with the promise of solitude on each hike.

Wine Country Century

Wine Country Century
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Another fun ride! I opted to do the 200 kilometer ride (123.5 miles according to the map). After a technical descent and riding downhill at speed over cattle grates, we rode up Highway One along the ocean for several miles. So gorgeous! Made the extra mileage totally worth it.

My friend Mark and I went up the night before and slept in his van in the parking lot of the Luther Burbank Center, where the ride started. I was excited to sleep in my sleeping bag, but not thrilled with the sound of freeway traffic. Finally got to sleep though, and we didn't have to get up too stupidly early to drive up.

The ride meandered through Occidental, Geurneville, Healdsburg and Geyserville. All pretty wine country. It's amazing where road cycling has taken me.

I ate like mad on this ride. I also ate nine bugs total. Had to get my protein somehow.

Grizzly Peak Rocked!!!

Yesterday was AWESOME. It was a great day for a ride, a great ride, and just overall really fun. People told me GPC was a fun ride, nice scenery, good food, etc. Whatever. I spent much of the week in a slight state of worry. Could I do this one? All those hills over the course of a hundred miles? On Saturday, the skies clouded up and my arms and wrists started acting up in their old carpal tunnel sorts of ways. I was pretty darn close to calling it off. I packed my stuff anyway. I took an Ativan to knock me out, and I actually got sleep. I woke up Sunday morning, prepared for rain and secretly hoping for it so I could bail without guilt.

It was a beautiful day. I got dressed, ate, and went to the start in Tilden. I met Wendy and Marty and rode with them. Wendy is my drill seargent spin instructor. In her words, she's "given me grief" in past spin classes because she didn't think my legs could be moving as fast as they were with the resistance she called for. She now knows that I'm just strong. Or, as I like to say, "Finally these thighs have a purpose".

Wendy convinced me to ride next weekend as a 200k rather than the regular 100 mile century. She's also telling me I should to do the Davis Double, a 200 mile ride in one day. She's nuts. I'm nuts, because I'm actually thinking about it.

Maybe I'll do it. All I know is that I'm still buzzin' from the endorphins of yesterday's GPC. It was a darn fun ride.

An Amazing Discovery

Guess what? I am human. NOT a full-time superhuman, merely a part-time aspiring one.

I was wiped out after Saturday's ride. I don't think I ate enough. The first 20 or so miles were in rain and headwinds, and I think getting cold early on got to me. (It couldn't be that I hung with my Bad Influence Friend the day before, I'm certain of it....) I came home from the ride, ATE COOKIES and passed out by 8:30pm. You can imagine how I felt the next morning, having had cookies for dinner and not hydrating further.

I was actually thinking of bailing on the Grizzly Peak Century this weekend and going camping. I've basically spent every weekend since early February on my bike. I love cycling, but I love hiking, climbing, slacklining, gardening, and goofing off. I don't want to burn out. There's five weeks to go until the TNT century. That's five more weekends on a bike. After Grizzly Peak this weekend, I have the Wine Country Century next weekend. Duh, Jen, what were you thinkin'? But anyway, as of today, I'm not going to bail. If I get tired, I'll just do the metric century (71 miles). It still has 7100 feet of hill climbing. I need more practice on eating on the bike, and this ride is well known for its food.

The other thing: I've not been doing yoga. I'm stiff and tight and sore and cranky. I'm going to get off this silly computer right now and remedy that with some stretching.

PS: Confidential to the kick-ass cookie maker... THANK YOU!!!! they were yum! great cookies, perfect timing, and don't stop there!

Rotties on the Beach

Going to the Beach
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

My pal Adam took some photos of us on Ocean Beach at sunset. I like this one a lot.

Here's the Photo!

Primavera Century, mile 30ish
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

gawd, i've lost it. i've repeatedly posted photos on the internet of myself wearing spandex.

jeez, am i really that big of a cycling dork now?

No longer a virgin!

That's right, you read correctly. I'm no longer a virgin. That is, today I completed my first Century, and have become a de-virginized road cyclist.

Ordinarily, this would have been a moderately challenging Century. You encounter the Calaveras "Wall" at mile 20-ish. It's a stout hill, over 800+ feet of hill climbing in under a half mile. But it's short. It's early, and even though it's hard, it's practically over before you start the mental chatter about how much it sucks. We climbed over Altamont Pass. Again, not too bad. The last serious hill climb came at mile 88. Palomares road was a five mile hill climb. I do pretty okay on the hill climbs, so it wasn't too bad. It's a long freakin' hill regardless, but after 88 miles it took the wind out of a lot of sails.

Speaking of wind....it was the wind that made this ride HARD. At the top of Altamont Pass (about 1000 feet elevation) the winds kicked in. Headwinds. Headwinds from every direction. Head winds for about 45 miles. No matter which way we went, we were assaulted by headwinds. We'd make a 90 degree turn onto a new road, and whaddya know, more headwinds. There's nothing better than headwinds when you're climbing a hill. Except headwinds shoving up against you on the flats. Post ride, in the cafeteria when everyone is chowin', that's what the talk was of, these headwinds.

The winds took a lot out of me, they made me tired pushing against them mile after mile. We did some pacelining, but even then, the winds would kick my ass from the sides. By the time we rolled into lunch at mile 67, I was tired. And almost cramping up.

Speaking of cramping, Gatorade is shit. For real. I forgot my usual Cytomax, an electrolyte replacement drink. I drank Gatorade at the SAG stops. I have a feeling that's what contributed to my fatigue and muscle tightness. Gatorade is useless! At mile 88's SAG stop, Kevin gave me an electrolyte tablet to suck on. That and two packets of Hammer Gel and I got a burst of energy. That energy came in use on the Palomares climb, for sure! The descent down the back side was fun! Very wind-y (as opposed to windy!!) and I enjoyed flying down and taking corners with some speed; I'm finally developing some confidence on the descents!

Bummer Stuff: My chain dropped at mile 90, and I couldn't clip out and crashed on asphalt. On the same knee that I crashed on last weekend when my chain dropped. Time to get the derailleur re-checked. It got bent on the Cinderella ride when my bike got knocked over. And on the backside of Palomares hill, my foot cramped. I had to get off the bike, take my shoe off, and hop up and down to get the cramping to relax. It worked, though.

I wound up riding with Kevin and William, two of my TNT mentors. They were super supportive. When I was cramping, Kevin told me to slow down, take it easy, and that he'd ride at whatever pace I needed. I'm grateful for their encouragement and tips throughout the ride. They were surprised that I was doing a Century before the TNT Tahoe Century, but I think they're learning I'm a little OCD that way.

The ride was fantastically supported, SAG everywhere, and tons of food! Cyclists eat...a LOT! You kinda wonder how so many are still so thin.

So I did it! 104.5 miles today. At the end, when William and Kevin were going to coast in easy, I had my Hammer Gel sugar spike and took off on the last five miles, just wanting to get off the bike! They looked at each other, one asked what the hell I was doing, and I did the last five miles of pulling into the headwinds with them in tow. I was glad to have done some of the pulling, since I spent a lot of time drafting off William.

I'm in bed on my laptop typing this, haven't even stretched yet or showered. Just worn out and chillin' with Milo (that's a whole nother Boo-sad story for later). Voila! You've just read the account of my first Century.

Confidential to the person who PROMISED to make me cookies after I not only completed the ride, but also posted about it: I've done my part, so I'll be expecting those cookies later this week. How about Oatmeal Chocolate Chip? You know I need to restore those carbs SOON, so don't delay!

Send Good Thoughts My Way...

Team in Training Ride
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I'll keep it brief. Send good thoughts my way, I need them.

#1: Milo's kidney problems have progressed to Renal Failure....and there's not a lot that can be done, except love him and do all that we're doing already. Send lots of doggieluv on to Milo and Luna, please!

#2: I'm riding my first century this Sunday, appropriately enough, called the Primavera (that means first! it's one of the first of the season in the Bay Area). My knee is a little tweaked from a small crash when I rode with my team last weekend (see above photo). So hopefully it'll be good for the duration.

#3: Fingers crossed that my proposed job-share works out at the ad gig. My pal Justine is gonna go meet with folks next week. If it doesn't work (i.e., if they don't think she's the bomb-diggity!), I could be out of a lucrative gig at a time when the vet bills are piling high. I suppose I could work FT, but that would mean putting the dog biz on hiatus and not working at REI. And being an unhappy crankmonster.

***and now for some good news!***

I am joining REI Adventures as an Adventure Guide. I'll be leading the Hiking With Dogs program throughout the Bay Area, doing the in-store clinics and taking people on group dayhikes with their pooches, teaching them how to enjoy their dogs, hike safely, and good trail etiquette.
I'm excited! It combines my love of two of my favorite things....and made that Wilderness First Responder cert come in handy after all.

okay, maybe this wasn't so brief......

Cinderella Classic, Mile 35

Cinderella Classic...again!
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

cause I know y'all were dyin' to see me in spandex....

Downward Dog

downward_dog
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

My yoga mat resides permanently on the living room floor. While I was eating dinner, Milo demonstrated his own version of Downward Dog.

After Cinderella

milo+jen
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Milo and me, in my official just-rode-Cinderella photo. I look pale, tired and crappy because I've been sick and just did 66 miles.

Less Bitchy and Feelin' Better

Okay, so that last one was pretty ranteriffic.

The good news: I'm feeling better! Five days in bed and antibiotics paid off. I woke up Saturday morning feeling pretty darn good, so I decided to go for it: I rode in the Cinderella Classic. It was 65 mostly flat miles in the Livermore and San Ramon valleys. It was a nice day, although I had strong headwinds to contend with for about 20 miles. Since I rode it alone, I didn't have anyone I was riding with and no real pace I had to stick with. Since I was trying to go at recovery pace, I tried to stay under 18mph when on the flats. For the most part, I did. Until the last 15 miles when I wanted to pick up the pace. I fell in with another woman who was pulling a good pace, about 22mph and I decided to draft off her and keep pace. She was a strong rider, wish I'd gotten a chance to get her info, I'd like to ride with her again. I pulled ahead in the last mile, just wanting to get off the saddle.

My bike got knocked over at the first SAG stop. A couple lower gears got mashed and were unusable. I only felt their loss on the rollers, but I was able work around it. Dropped my bike off at REI on the way home to get fixed. My Bike Crush was able to get my bike squeezed into the schedule and hopefully it will be done as promised so that I can ride with Pat on Thursday.

It was so nice to be outdoors and moving my body again. I am pretty sunburned on my face, because my antibiotics say "avoid prolonged sun exposure". Wore lots of 'screen, but not enough, I guess. I was happy to have stayed strong and healthy through the ride, and I'm no worse the wear today. Hot tubbed last night and yoga today and I'm set right.

So, back to normal tomorrow: work, spin, box, commute, sleep, eat....lather, rinse, repeat, x 5.

Warning! Whining Rant Ahead!

WARNING! If you don't feel like listening to me whine like a pathetic little wuss, don't bother reading further. See that button in the upper right part of your screen that says "Next Blog"? Hit it now. Move along. NOW!

Y'know how in my last post I mentioned I "might" be getting sick. Strike that. I"M FUCKING SICK. and you know what? I'M FUCKING SICK OF BEING SICK. I was sick two goddamn weeks ago with the stomach flu. Now, I've got whatever lungcrud is floating around.
I've had a fever over a hundred degrees since SUNDAY.

I've tried to be "good". I've called in sick the past two days. (As a freelancer, this is COSTING ME A LOT OF FREAKIN' MONEY, THIS BEING SICK!) I've not gone to the gym, worked out, anything more than hauling my sorry ass to the bathroom. (HELLO, FRIENDS WHO THINK I HAVE AN EXERCISE OBSESSION: you might be right, and just you wait until I turn into a raging bitch without the benefit of mood enhancing endorphins that might otherwise come in the form of MEDS!) I have eschewed my normal dinners of cereal to turn the OVEN ON to make myself a real, healthy dinner. I have been hydrating like a motherfucker, taking all sorts of crap like echinacea, Wellness Formula (then why am i NOT WELL YET?)

I FEEL LIKE SHIT. It's hard to breathe. My back, ribcage, and abdomen HURT FROM COUGHING ENDLESSLY.

I am BORED. I have read every stupid magazine known to womankind. Even OPRAH. Take that, you know who!

I have my first ride of the season on SATURDAY. What the hell are the chances I will be well enough to ride? Uh-huh. And what are the chances I will ride anyway? Bingo.

AND ON TOP OF THIS BEING SICK BULLSHIT: I was eating cereal (for breakfast! not even for dinner!) yesterday, and another goddamn crown cracked. Note for those keeping track: this is the second one in a MONTH! (oh wait! like the second time in a MONTH THAT I'M SICK?! oh, yes!) This crown, like the other one, was TWO YEARS OLD and done by a seemingly skilled dentist with a swanky San Francisco office and was RECOMMENDED BY FRIENDS! side rant: how can you tell the quality of a dentist's work? sure you can get recommendations from friends, but you can't ask them to open their mouths to see their work, ask how long they've had it done, and what kind of workmanship was involved!

SO ON TOP OF BEING SICK, I SAT IN THE DENTISTS CHAIR FOR TWO ANNOYING HOURS TODAY. My new dentist is cool; he's being doing it for 30+ years, and he understands my MASSIVE FEAR, and that I don't get in the chair without valium or nitrous.
So he goes to offer me the gas, and this dental assistant, whom I've never met before today, said "Oh! You don't need that! Besides, it's not good for you anyway." I shot this woman the Look of Death. Before I could respond, Dear Dentist replied to her, "Yes, she does need it. She's one of our Special Patients". So I went through the process of getting the old crown pulled off, ground down, and prepped for an all-new crown. CAN I TELL YOU IT WAS LIKE A PARTY IN MY MOUTH? would you believe me?

So to wind down the RANT: I found some codeine cough syrup in the back of a cabinet. I took THREE TIMES the normal dose, hoping to knock myself out and get some sleep that didn't involve fits of convulsive coughing jags. Did it work? YOU'RE READING THIS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!?

Fuckin'-A, man. I need to be well. Soon. Like now.

No Pictures, No Updates? Nah!

I was waiting to blog until I uploaded my Tahoe pix. Hasn't happened yet. Not even sure where the memory card is. Lazy? Nope, just too much going on.

Anyway, Tahoe was a blast! The timing of the stomach flu pushed our trip back to a time when there was SNOW! Took a long time to drive up and back, but worth it! Last Monday we had great weather and about six inches of fresh powder. It was super! My knee pads proved useful, though there wasn't ice to crash on. (Dorky, yes! However, my knee still hurts from February.) As I gain an understanding of boarding, I realize how much my relic of a board sucks. It's way stiff and too small for me. I'm coveting a Smokin' Snowboard, but I can't justify a board if I can't pro-deal it. Anyway, Tuesday was snow. SNOW, as in heavy, wet falling snow. Boardin' Buddy wanted to bail and not bother, but I persisted. We were there, let's go! Until the visibility got really crappy, we had a good half day. My usual bag of tricks didn't work with this heavy, sticky snow. I had to really gain speed or I was going down in piles of heaviness. I had one of my most informative days ever, really feeling like I got the feel for boarding. I LOVE the run called Lombard Street at Homewood. It's all these really swooshy curves, and I feel much more comfortable on Lombard than I did back in January. I also love The Glades, except for the annoying catwalk leading up to the run. The other great thing: NO INJURIES! Some minor whiplash, but when you epic in powder it's not so bad. I'd love to get up for one more trip before the season ends, but I'm guessing I won't be make it. I am starting to think about getting in on a ski house rental next year, if I still live in the Bay Area.

I'm still training for the Tahoe Century, although I don't seem to be riding with my Team in Training team so much right now. Last week's ride at Pt. Reyes got called off for rain. Yesterday I rode with some of the folks from the Berkeley Ironworks bike club. Prior to yesterday, my longest ride had been 40 miles. Yesterday, I rode 80 miles. From the Peet's Coffee in Claremont (Berkeley) to the top of Mount Diablo (elevation 3800+) and then back through Walnut Creek, Danville, Lafayette, and such. Our group dwindled down as people took BART back to Berkeley. A woman I've ridden with before, Ann, and I broke off from the group (the other two, at this point) and we made our way back to San Pablo Dam road from Lafayette and Orinda, WITHOUT A MAP and really sketchy directions on where we were going. It was kinda funny, because as tired as I was, I wanted to haul ass to get home. I bolted through the rollers, and I don't think I went under 19 MPH the whole way home. But damn, I did it! I was really nervous before the ride, since I was riding with experienced cyclists. I still consider myself a novice who happens to be very strong.

While riding up to the top of Diablo (a 12.5 mile uphill ride) I recalled to the riders my first time hiking up Diablo and seeing the cyclists riding up the hill. I thought, "What the hell are these people thinking? Are they nuts?". Marty said, "And the rest is history".
Fuck. The last 100 yards before the summit is sheer hell. A 17% grade when you least need it.

I'm not sore today, just fatigued. Might be getting sick, I seem to have a hundred degree fever. What's that all about? Wasn't I just sick like two weeks ago? I went to a three hour yoga workshop. It was great to stretch but it sapped the last of my zip.

I have the Cinderella Ride next weekend, a 65 mile ride for women only. I should take it easy this week and not spin my brains out every day. We'll see if I can pull that off.

Not much else exciting going on. It's work, dogs, and cycling still.

My Dear Doggos

doggers
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Just wanted to share this pic of Milo chillin' by his Big Red Ball (he does have teeth, he looks like an ole' geezer in this for some reason) and Luna in the background, being the typical ball-obsessed-blur that she is.

I love these two more than I can say. They're my fuzzy kids.

So whilst I tell woes of their ill health, they still are loving life.

At least I got in a hike!

cataract trail
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Whoa. Life's been a bit of a rollercoaster lately. The usual crazy business, which just is part of Being Jen. (A friend once told me I squeeze three days into each day.)

Things have been extra stressful lately due to the Doggos. Both Milo and Luna had ultrasounds this week. We knew Milo had kidney damage from this strange bacterial infection. Turns out Luna does, too, but she's such a stoic little girl that she's been masking it all; on paper, she's worse off than Milo. It's really sad, because this points to some environmental cause. It's hard to not over-scrutinze what the cause might be, but all I can do is move forward and love them a whole lot.

The dogs have crazy medical bills, needless to say, and now BOTH will be on this uber-expensive antibiotic FOR LIFE. This means this freelancin' I'm doing back in advertising must go on. Sad, really, because this means I can't focus on my dog training business. I squeeze in clients here and there and can't really pursue growing the business in any kkind of meaningful way when my energies go three-days-a-week-plus into ad work.

What else? Just got sideswiped by the stomach flu. Still feeling a little murky from it, but at least I am no longer uttering, "kill me now". Last night I didn't sleep with a bucket by the bed. Yeah!

Okay, now that I've done what seems to be a fair amount of bitching, I need to point out a few good things:

As much as I find advertising unrewarding and unfulfilling, I'm grateful to be able to make the money I do when I need to.

See the above photo: I went on a kick-ass hike to Cataract Falls in Marin last weekend. Nature is essential to my soul.

I'm enjoying this road biking thing more than I thought I would. Spring is in the air, and the fragrant air is something I love to take in on early morning bike rides. I'm learning more about the lay of the land, and the surrounding areas where I live than I ever did in a car.

I'm going to Tahoe next week. I bought knee pads. The knee has a very deep bone bruise from my last trip when I crashed hard on ice. Boarding is insanely painful while learning, but stupidly gratifying. Hey, Tahoe Guy: can you make sure there's some fresh powder for next week?

Why I'm a Vegetarian

BurgerKing
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Reason #511: A side of ribs really isn't so different than beef arse.

mmmmmmmMMeeat.

Hungry?