February 24, 2006
February 14, 2006
February 8, 2006
Sadness
Milo's Last Day
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
I'm missing him like crazy. He was such a presence in my life in small ways I wasn't even aware.
A day hasn't gone by without tears.
He was such a special soul.
February 4, 2006
Goodbye Milo
Milo
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
Milo, aka Dresden's Eye of the Storm.
November 28, 1998 - February 3, 2006.
My sweet little guy is gone. I had to let him go. His kidneys couldn't keep going. I couldn't let him suffer any more. He was such a brave, strong, loving boy. Words cannot describe how much I miss him and how much I'm hurting.
January 16, 2006
December 30, 2005
Looking Back
Me and Milo on Xmas eve
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
Okay, so I'm not usually one for cheezy moments of Year In Review type stuff, but sometimes I think it's useful to remind oneself of things as a way to move forward.
So here I am, a summary of the highs and lows of my 2005.
The Best:
Landing the REI Adventures gig and had a blast doing it.
Got really into road cycling and had a lot of fun.
Milo’s health stabilized and improved.
Met and/or got closer to a few great people.
Made good money working as much as I wanted in advertising.
Felt like I learned a thing or two about life.
Felt gratitude for all the good in my life, and that I’ll learn from the bad.
Got outdoors a whole lot, and went some amazing places.
The Bummers:
The demise of my marriage.
The passing of Oscar The Cat.
Didn’t do as much dog training as I’d hoped.
It’s costly to keep Milo this healthy!
Spent a lot of time and money at the dentist due to another dentist.
Still depending on adbucks instead of more meaningful work.
Had some tough choices to make.
My yoga practice suffered, and therefore, so did I.
Hope 2006 is filled with love, lust and fun for all!
xoxo's to all my friends!
December 21, 2005
Solstice Thoughts
Happy Solstice
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
Reading Yoga Journal, I came across some thoughts from Buddhist meditation teacher Sharon Salzburg. The article states: "Whatever you count on...is bound to change. So you naturally suffer when that change happens." But as Salzburg sees it, the suffering stems not from change itself but from resistance to it. "Life is change, " she says. "Everything gets older and dies. That's true of animals and plants and humans."
Such is the cycle of life.
Happy Solstice...
December 20, 2005
Sad But True
Odd & Strange
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
It feels a little strange to post this on the internet, but here goes:
I'm getting divorced.
Yeah, that's what's occupying a lot of my life these days. As sad as it is, it's mutual and amicable. It sucks, though. You never want this, but sometimes after a lot of hard work, it's the kindest gift we can grant one another. The gift of hope, of moving forward, of greater happiness. It doesn't need to be viewed as failure. We're friends. I will always have fond feelings and love him. We're choosing to look at it as the next evolution of our relationship. But, still, it's hard and painful and it sucks.
I told my father the news recently. He said, "Well, can't you guys TRY? Don't you want to?" Uh, well, we didn't wake up one morning and decide to bail. It's not a decision made spontaneously or lightly.
So that's what's up with me. I'm grateful to the friends who have been supportive and encouraging and tolerant of my funk.
Tomorrow's the Solstice. Here's to Darkness and New Beginnings.
November 29, 2005
Milo Turned 7!
Milo's Birthday!
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
My Big Guy, Milo, had his 7th birthday yesterday. Earlier this year, I never thought he'd make it to see seven. He's in renal (kidney) failure, but seemingly holding steady these days, with a lot of help.
Milo's latest addition to his suite of meds is EPO (epogen), a red blood cell producer. You know, what the cyclists are reputedly doping with. Milo's on performance enchancing drugs! I gave him his first EPO shot this weekend. It supposed to help him with his anemia resulting from the renal failure.
Anyway, Milo had a party hat and pork chop for his birthday. At first he was walking around with the wrapped meat, refusing to give it up. Once it was unwrapped for him, he chomped it down pronto.
Happy Birthday Milo!
October 31, 2005
Goodbye, Oscar
Oscar
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
I had to let my dear, sweet cat Oscar go this past weekend.
Oscar has been declining slowly. He's had thyroid problems; he went from an 18 pound beefy boy to a 10 pound kitty this past year. He's been having other issues, too. Last week, though, it became clear he was really having difficulties. Oscar's back leg went out, and he moved about dragging the leg behind him. It just didn't work. The shuffling sound of the dragging appendage made me so sad.
Somehow, I knew I had to let him go. It was his time. We made the appointment to let him go. I am forever indebted to my wonderful vet and her staff for making the room and experience perfect for saying goodbye with dignity.
When Dr. Reed examined Oscar, she found a large mass in his abdomen. She said it was most likely cancerous, and it was pressing on a nerve in his leg, rendering the leg non-functional. This confirmed that this really was the right decision.
Saying goodbye was so hard. Staring into Oscar's eyes and watching him leave his body was so sad, yet so peaceful. He was ready, he didn't struggle. He was able to leave before the suffering became worse.
As I rode to the vet's office with the kitty carrier on my lap, I remembered the day in 1992 when I went to the ASPCA in uptown Manhattan looking for cat. It was Thanksgiving weekend, and I was living in Brooklyn having just graduated from college. Oscar was friendly and sweet even though his kennel card pronounced him "not good with other cats" (so true!). I brought Oscar home on the subway in a cardboard cat carrier. And for the next 13 years, Oscar was a part of my life. His weighty, stable presence was always a comfort.
R.I.P., my dear sweet friend. May you have Rottweilers to beat up on in Kitty Heaven and endless windows filled with sunshine and warm pillows.
September 27, 2005
The Return of Spinbox
Ha. As if.
Exercise is my antidepressant. Without it, I can be a glum bitch. Surely, now, I'd be quite unpleasant were it not for the exercise.
Tonight was the first night in a v-e-r-y long time that I went to "Spinbox", aka spin class followed immediately by boxing class. (Stopped because of all the cycling and to give my rotator cuff injury a chance to heal.) Whoa, my upper body got a workout. I'm sore already, including in my wrecked shoulder. I have a hard time with "take it easy" when it comes to punching.
It felt good. It felt needed. No rest for this girl.
September 21, 2005
Autumnal Equinox
Tonight, while riding, it seemed to get dark earlier than my awareness remembers. Now that it's dark, it feels especially cold.
Fall is always bittersweet to me. The changing leaves signal death and change.
I miss real seasons. Fall colors, falling leaves.
Speaking of colors, why is it called "feeling blue" when one is feeling down? I'd much rather be feeling purple. But blue it is.
September 17, 2005
Lost...but not forgotten?
Indian Caves
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
Somehow I've lost the ability to listen to my heart and not put the needs of others before what is good and true for me.
I feel an intense introspective period coming on....
September 6, 2005
Excellent Trip
We're on Mt. Hoffman!
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
Back from a great trip to Yosemite. Lots of great hiking; finally made it out to Young Lakes. Mount Hoffman, May Lake, Cloud's Rest were also taken in. Ate many one-pot gourmet wonders. Weather was perfect. Valley was crowded. Had an amazing time.
I'm swinging back through Yosemite this coming weekend since I'm doing a century over in Mammoth.
Coming out of the woods and hearing of the destruction from Katrina caused much sadness. Unbelievable, the situation.
August 10, 2005
Ponder This
On Mount Hoffman
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
Feeling sad. Missing this place. Space. Soon.
G'night.
July 15, 2005
Compost Rules!
When I lived in NYC, I was one of those dorks who composted with earthworms in a black bucket. Go figure, I freaked if there was a cockroach in the apartment, but I gleefully brought in the earthworms. Composting back then allowed me to feel connected to the soil and the nature I was missing.
I'm blogging about my compost bin not because my life is that boring, but because from the compost bin, a tomato plant is growing. It's getting large, and now it's flowering! I want to see if it will produce tomatoes. If it does, they'll be some wacky heirloom varitey, which would thrill me. I'm excited to see this tomato plant grow and thrive without any help from me. This heap is teeming with earthworms, and the soil is rich, dark, and fragrant (kinda like the coffee grounds that go in!). I'll post if the thing actually produces.
July 8, 2005
No life?
Does not blogging = no life (off the bike, or otherwise)?
Perhaps.
Let's see.... my REI Adventures guide gig kicks off in full this weekend. In addition to Hiking with Dogs, I'm co-leading the Women's Mountain Biking trips. (okay, so it's back to being about the bike, eh?)
The earth has shifted: my pally-o Justine got engaged. She's bored at her job, so watch out: there's serious Bridezilla Potential. Too much random obsessing and pondering can lead even the most normal chick into a Bridezillian state.
Got in a couple decent hikes lately. Got stung by a yellow jacket, with no epi pen in sight. Lived to tell.
The rest of this month is going to be action-packed (read: insane) with guiding, working at the ad-gig, a double century, and to culminate the month....my 36th Birthday. birthdaybirthdaybirthday.
Good and Bad news: The Ad Gig will dry up next month. They finally hired someone full time. I'll wrap up the week of August 8th. I'm very much looking forward to this, but will definitely miss the cash flow this has infused into my life since February.
I had no idea the gig would run this long! As a freelancer, you never know.
What else? I'm trying, rather unsucessfully, to give up processed foods and sugar. It's alternately amusing or torture-inducing. I'm very very happy that strawberries and blueberries are in season, though.
The dogs are both doing well right now. "Well" means no worse, and no better, which is pretty darn good to me.
I miss a lot of friends, both local and in Yosemite. I've not gotten to the Valley this summer to see any of my pals. I look forward to having a bit more free time soon.
June 9, 2005
There's more than the bike...
Like maybe dogs.
Or hiking. Or.... other stuff.
I'm craving chocolate right now. How's that for exciting news about my life?
June 7, 2005
Team in Training's Tahoe Ride
Parting Shot
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
more soon, but here's the quick version:
It was a great ride! The scenery was, of course, beautiful. Around the lake is 72 miles, so to make it a full Century we did an out-and-back to Truckee (this was the least scenic part of the ride). Otherwise, the crystal clear Lake was on our right for the whole ride.
It was a chilly day and at some points it was quite windy. What was supposed to be a fun, fast descent from Spooner Summit was a shocker: the wind felt like it was blowing us back up the hill and sideways.
Throughout the ride, there were people on the sides of the road cheering for us, offering us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and holding signs of encouragement.
There were TNT participants from across the country, so to distinguish individual groups from one another in a sea of identical TNT jerseys we mounted little items on our helmets. Wisconsin had cheese wedges, Florida had dolphins, North Carolina had Krispy Kreme logos, etc. Within the SF Bay Area group, each team chose different tokens. My team had small goats mounted on our helmets. Our group was made up of strong hill climbers, hence “billy goats” (and also for our Mentor named William Wang, nicknamed “Billy Goat”), but apparently this confused people from around the country. They couldn’t figure out the correlation between goats and San Francisco.
for those interested, my ride stats:
start time: 6:15am
finish: 1:45pm
total time on bike: 6:20
average speed: 15.0mph
May 22, 2005
Davis Double Century
Davis Double Century
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
Wendy talked me into doing the Davis Double Century (yep, that's 200 miles in one day). After much wavering in the early part of the week and then deciding I wasn't going to do it, Wendy talked me back into it. Once I committed, I decided that not only was I going to do the ride, but I wanted to have FUN doing it. And I did! Yesterday was a blast!
Mark and I rode up to Davis on Friday afternoon and met Wendy, Marty and their partners and chowed down on a pasta feast. We intended to hit the sack early, since we were getting up at 3:45 am (!) for a 5am start.
I rode very conservatively for the first 50 miles, chatting with Wendy. The guys were eager to hop on a paceline, but we weren't.
I picked up the pace after rest stop #2 and from there on out, spent much of the day riding alone, but regrouped with them at various points and for lunch.
The iPod Shuffle was so key for this ride. I loaded it up with rockin' tunes and stuck a headphone in one ear. It was great to be on long stretches alone, seeing no one, and rockin' out on my bike checking out awesome scenery.
It was a warm sunny day, almost ideal. It was a great day for a ride. I set my cyclometer so that I couldn't watch mileage and that really helped. I was just riding. I do know I rode 90 miles in six hours by 12 noon.
I felt stronger in the second 100 miles than I did in the first 100. After lunch, I picked up the pace even more. I probably could have conserved energy by hopping on a few pacelines, but I wanted to ride at my own pace and check out the scenery rather than keeping an eye on someone's wheel. It was fun! After the last big hill climb, named Resurrection, it was downhill for 26 miles. Nice!
We all joined up again at the Guinda rest stop and rode the last 40 miles together. At sunset, these little bugs came out and the force with which they struck felt like being hit repeatedly with sand.
We started before sunrise and finished after sunset and it was a l-o-n-g day on the bike, but a fun one. I really enjoyed the Double. I had doubted my ability to pull it off, but now I realize I'm strong enough to do about any ride out there. But I'll still save the Death Ride for next year.