On the brighter side

Little Miss Cranky Pants (which is what I consider myself to be when I read something like my last posting) will be taking some down time this weekend. Tomorrow I'll be heading up to Mendocino for a four day women's yoga retreat. Four hours a day of yoga, good food, good company, and stargazing ought to chill me out.

Planning to bring my bike with the hopes I can squeeze in a long ride on Highway One. I love riding on the coast.

Another Month, Another Thought.

I'm 37.

Damn it. I'm starting to feel the effects of aging. Not the "Oh my god, i have wrinkles!" sort of aging. I feel it physically.

I'm just coming off an intense work stretch of nearly two weeks of working without a day off. Long hours, long days, strung together. Lots of driving. I feel exhausted, not right, lethargic. In recent memory, a day off and I'd bounce back fine. Didn't need lots of sleep or pampering. Not so any longer. I need sleep. Desperately. So much so that I am choosing sleep over early morning spin classes, which really sucks incredibly hard.

I've been noticing my knees are stiff and achy more often than not. I have arthritis which usually appears in the winter months. It seems to have settled in on a full time basis lately. The shots I get in both knees usually last a full year. The shots had seven months of usefulness this year.

When I went away earlier in the month, I slept in a bed that wasn't mine. My back hasn't been right since. Granted, I was in a car accident nearly six months ago (when the hell can I stop thinking about the accident and all the ways it has impacted my life? Such a minor accident in the scheme of things, yet it has impacted more than words can say month after month.) Why would a different bed destroy my back? I'm fucking aging. And life is handing me very obvious signs, because I am known for missing subtle cues handed to me by my own self.

There is an end in sight to the work. They hired a full-timer. I'll be staying on until she starts and get her up to speed, then make my departure into the unknown. I hope to see a lot of hours in the gym and on the saddle in the second half of October.

Fuck, man, aging sucks.

New Growth

New Flower
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

This flower opened a few days ago.

Seemingly insignificant. And it is. Aside from this being the plant I bought when I moved into the apartment. This whole branch has since developed from the main stem, essentially from nothing, over the course of a few months sitting in front of the big window diffused by airy linen.

Before moving, I could never keep a houseplant alive, let alone an orchid.

It's so pretty.

Restored

Burney Creek
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Camping trip was most excellent.

We went with P's wing-it method, which is a little different than Little Miss Planner's methodology. Although I did some research online and had printouts and such, really, it all came down to getting in the car and driving. We looked at, and rejected, campgrounds along Lake Shasta. Too populated, too many RV's, too tourtisty for our tastes. We like our camping to be more remote and free of people close by.

We drove farther north, and headed out 89 East past McCloud. Saw more campgrounds. At about 6pm, we declared a winner. Algoma campground was on Forest Service land. No running water, and an unmaintained vault toilet. It was also free, and we scored a site on McCloud river, with no people in sight. It was awesome hearing the river at all times.

Spent two nights there, checking out the McCloud River waterfalls, the towns of Weed and Mt. Shasta, and having slow mornings. I now have a souvenir "Experience Weed, California" t-shirt to commemorate the trip.

We decided to do some road trippin'. Headed out 89 East again, to check out Burney Falls, drove through Lassen National Park (awesome! far less crowded than Yosemite, and some darn purty landscapes!) We had a snowball fight in August near Mt. Lassen peak; well, not so much as a snowball fight as I ambushed my traveling partner. Made a mental note that I'd love to hike up Lassen peak sometime, plus that place is so uncrowded it would be great for backpacking.

Kept on truckin' out of Lassen and decided to find our campsite for the night. We drove to Lake Almanor and found a nicely empty campground on the south shore of the Lake. It was blissfully quiet thanks to it being Sunday evening. P made a bean stew that even after cooking for, oh, about three hours and two cannisters of propane, the beans were still hard in the center. Go figure. Late and dark into the evening, we heard a noise that caused P to pause (note: only pause, because being a manly-man, he does not frighten. ha!). I recognized the screams as a pack of coyotes in the night. To those who've not experienced such a sounds, it sounds quite like a screaming child and something not-quite-human. Wild!

Next morning we tried to cook those damn beans some more in hopes of having breakfast, but after another hour they still were hard. (And even after two more hours at home that evening: still hard! what the hell?). Finally we gave up on the beans, and headed out. We took Highway 70 down the North Fork of the Feather River. Unbelievably gorgeous territory. Shocking to come into the Delta Towns that were utter shite. Made our way back home, relaxed and happy to have had a few days in nature.

This week has been more dental work, more errands, and then it's back to work for me on Monday! Two weeks off was great, not enough, but hey! That's all some staffers get all year. Ouch! Anyway, I have to wrap my brain around the idea of long hours and such again, but at least did my annual hourly rate increase, so I can't complain too much.

Except I'd like to live someplace more mellow and less crowded. Some day, perhaps.

Intimately Familiar

Could you readily point to your quadratus lumborum?

I didn't think so.

I can. It's a source of pretty regular discomfort. It took the hit in my car accident back in April. (April! Nearly five months ago. Why am I not back to 100% yet? It makes me crazy to seem "fine" but to have still such an impact on my cycling abilities.)

Today I was at my chiropractor (whom I love, love, love!) and she waas telling me I needed to work and stretch my QL (quadratus lumborum, shorthand). Yoga, duh. She said "surfing would be really good for it". I have to say, I have always wanted to learn to surf. It was one of two things I wanted to learn when I moved to California 10 years ago. I grew up on the ocean, on Cape Cod. I have salt water in my blood, even though I'm not a stellar swimmer. So I will file this in my brain, and perhaps look for one of those Chick Surf Clinics. Like I don't already have a million different activities that I partake in, that require gear.

Anyway, my quadratus lumborum is sore today. Now that I'm not working, I'm cycling/spinning more. Today will see 2.5 hours of spinning, dork that I am.

I better enjoy the time off while I have it. I just got booked for September. Another agency than the last (in fact, I spent 5 years on staff at the agency I'll be spending my September with!). Gotta deal with the dental BS before then; root canal is done. (thanks to valium and nitrous, it wasn't so bad!)

I am pondering the idea of recovering psychologically from my injuries. It makes me mad and sad and frustrated that I feel slow, sluggy and heavy on the bike. When I simply ride, without regard to speed, it's pure and enjoyable. When I do the mental comparison to where I was pre-accident, I get down. I really, really want to be better. I'd like to do one century this year, just to prove to myself I'm not some lameass.

Evolving

Hip Belt
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Oh man, I've been a blogging slacker. Free time seems to avoid me; I am expert at squeezing 20 more things into a day. I never seem to have enough time, there's always something I "should" do or "want" to do.

I want some down time. And the good news is, I'm about to get it!

Yep, my freelancing gig ends Friday! I am excited by the possibility of wide open hours ahead of me. Sure I'll miss the dough (especially since I am about to incur some major expenses, but more on that later.) but I am into the game of Extreme Thrift: it's fun to see just how much one can cut expenses and purchases. But even more than my being into the fun of Thrift, I am more excited by reclaiming my own time. I am always very conscious of trading dollars for my life energy.

The ad agency I've been at for the past three months is a very busy place. I've met some cool people, but in general, ad people aren't My People. I am looking forward to not having my ass be the shape of an Aeron chair. To not be in a cube, on conference calls, in meetings, negotiating, producing, and juggling. Instead, I'm about to see freedom.

So while there are some freelancers who would start getting worried about not having work, I am very much looking forward to it. It's one of the main reasons I freelance. I've been lucky as a freelancer; I'm as busy as I'd like to be. But I require a couple months off a year.

Now that I've gloated, I'll whine. Those expenses I mentioned earlier? Yeah. Check this: I need a root canal, a crown, and new tires on my car. Ka-ching! That just ate into about a month's living expenses.

When I was told today that Friday definitely would be my last day, my first thought was: "YES! This means I can go for a long bike ride before my root canal on Monday!" I'm looking forward to getting back into the physical shape I was in a few months ago (car accident + day job with long hours = 5 pounds). I'd like to even try gym climbing again to see how the shoulder is doing. What can I say? I'll probably spend 3+ hours a day exercising. Some people think I exercise too much already. (Ha! Hardly!)

I'm also going camping in a week. A trip is in the works to go up to Lake Shasta area. Being in the outdoors like that is so therapeutic for me. It's unbelievable what it does for my soul. I got me one hell of a cute camp partner who also happens to be a fabulous cook.

Jeez, I feel like a lucky girl.

Life is Good!

Ball Obsessed!
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I sound like one of those cheesy t-shirts they sell at REI. You know the ones.

It's been a l-o-n-g time since I've updated.

The house sold. Quickly. Easily. For a lot more than asking, and seven offers. The media hype about the real estate market's decline is BS.

The divorce is final. Legally single. Happy to have that whole thing wrapped up and to still be friends. I wish him only happiness and a life that is meaningful.

I'm recovering nicely from the car accident. Thanks to a lot of bodywork. I sold my Death Ride ticket, though, because I am not strong enough for that this year. Maybe next year? Who knows. I haven't done more than 40 miles in a long time.

I'm all settled into my apartment on Lake Merritt. I really like it here! It's so nice to see the changing light on the lake, the Canadian Geese babies, and the spaciousness of having a lake nearby.

Been working a steady freelance gig for two months now. It's good money. Very steadily busy, long hours, and back to working in an office five days a week (that took some getting used to!). Looks like it will continue for at least a month.

Aside from life being very busy and filled with work things are pretty mellow. Haven't been this happy in a long while. I wish I could spend more time with Luna Dog, but she stays with me on the weekends.

Heading out this weekend for my first camping trip of the year. Going up the coast north of Jenner. Looking forward to a mellow time, good hikes, yummy camp food, and practicing yoga outdoors.

Seeya!

New Tattoo

I've got a new tattoo.

Guess where it is?

No fair if you've seen it in person. If you've seen it up close, you know me better than most.

B r e a t h e . . . .

Quiet
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Life is pretty damned good these days.

More soon.

Ahhhhhhhh.........

Crashed out
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Finally!

I can rest. The house is on the market, as of today. Been working our asses off for weeks to get it ready. Funny, all the work that we hoped to do on the house while living there was done, as to make it someone else's home. Things were painted beige, a color not in my vocabulary. Things were "neutralized" across the board. A stager was hired. I gotta say, it looks amazing. It also looks like Not My House, which makes it easy to begin the detachment process. Soon, I'll no longer be a homeowner.

Two weeks ago I moved to the Lake Merritt part of Oakland. I like it here. It's such a change of pace from the suburbs of Richmond. I found a dog friendly apartment easily, and it happens to be a very cool apartment at that. I like to ignore the fact that my rent is more than my mortgage payment.
I live within easy walking distance to a grocery store. And, hey! One of the best things: restaurant delivery!

The day after I moved to Oakland, I got in my very first car accident. Bummer. I was hit by an unlicensed, uninsured driver on 580. I'm pretty much okay (back sprains and pain) and my car has been fixed. I'm drowning in insurance paperwork. But Hell! Recall how I used to complain about driving in traffic on 80? Be careful what you ask for. Now I dodge other vehicles in the madness that is known as the 580 Freeway.

Luna dog is here living with me, as evidenced by her crashed out sleeping on the couch. Rough life, eh? This is what she does while I work. Fortunately during all the hectic work of moving and selling the house and the car accident, I've been able to work from home. I'm working on a freelance project for Banana Republic. I'm finding artists to be in their in-store art program. Fun stuff.

In other news, it's been raining endlessly. Haven't been out riding my bike in forever. Now it's nice during the week, but is supposed to rain on the weekend. Gotta start training for the Death Ride soon!

I feel exhausted. Like I've been carrying a 50 pound weight strapped to my back for a month, and it was just taken off today. I am bone tired. I desperately want and need a weekend away. But it may not come anytime soon. Even camping would be swell. A break from the routine and some detachment from day to day life would be hugely relaxing now.

Oh man. Keep your fingers crossed the house fetches a good price. If I get some good money out of it, I'm going to go for a REAL extravagant vacation, like Maya Tulum or maybe even Canyon Ranch. You know, some swanky spa vacation like the rich ladies go on. Wouldn't that be nice?

Very Pink

Pink Bathroom
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

this is the very pink bathroom in my new place.

Forward Progress

Despite not working, I've been way busy. Here's a quick update.
I got Milo's paw print tattooed on me.
I found an apartment, rather easily, and it's mine on April 1st (no joke!)
I'm moving to Oakland!
There have been many runs to the dump, to donate, and to storage.
purge purge purge. it feels very good.
Barely been outside riding (cold, wet, and busy)
Have been teaching a weekly spin class at Ironworks.
Been getting my ass kicked in Scrabble lately.
All the divorce papers are done and we're still buds.
My resistance is low, and I caught a respiratory bug.
(I was sick this same time last year, with the same thing, go figure.)
I am very grateful so have so many good people in my life.

And I'm going to get a massage right now!

xoxo

Uh-Oh....

I made the cut for Death Ride lottery.

I'm in. Guess I better start training?

Once things settle down a bit I will. Right now, I'm about to move, about to sell my house, and about to go a leetle bit nutso....

It's March.

How did it get to be March already?

Hmmmm.

I've got too damned much on my plate right now, on my mind. It was a month ago tomorrow that I said goodbye to Milo; random thoughts and reminders can still send me into tears. The divorce, well, that's still plodding along and should be finalized in June. I've worked exactly six days this year; thus far, haven't been paid for any of the work. Oh, and it looks like we're going to be selling our house. That's the biggie: getting it ready to sell (oh, the amount of work that needs to be done!), putting it on the market, and then joining the Bay Area rental market. No doubt I'll be paying at least double what my share of the mortgage was. Any one of these issues would be enough. Nope, massive change is being thrown at me all at once.

I tell myself it can only get better, right?

I keep my fingers crossed for work, doing all the network-y stuff that's necessary but no fun. Work would at least take my mind off the other stuff and not make me feel vulnerable and poor.

I'm purging objects from my life, selling things on Craig's List left and right. I gave up my parking spot in the garage to two piles marked "dump" and "donate". Want anything? As much as I feel like I've let go, it still seems like there's so much physical clutter in my life.

Luna Dog is being exceptionally cute and cuddly lately. She's going for more car rides, more trips to the park. I'm thankful she's still in my life. There! I said something positive.

Cue up the Calgon commercial... I could use it.

Today's PMS-inspired thought

Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it.

New Ink

New Ink
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Finally got the new tattoo I've been jonesin' for.

Sadness

Milo's Last Day
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I'm missing him like crazy. He was such a presence in my life in small ways I wasn't even aware.

A day hasn't gone by without tears.

He was such a special soul.

Goodbye Milo

Milo
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Milo, aka Dresden's Eye of the Storm.
November 28, 1998 - February 3, 2006.

My sweet little guy is gone. I had to let him go. His kidneys couldn't keep going. I couldn't let him suffer any more. He was such a brave, strong, loving boy. Words cannot describe how much I miss him and how much I'm hurting.

More. Soon.

Looking Back

Me and Milo on Xmas eve
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Okay, so I'm not usually one for cheezy moments of Year In Review type stuff, but sometimes I think it's useful to remind oneself of things as a way to move forward.

So here I am, a summary of the highs and lows of my 2005.


The Best:

Landing the REI Adventures gig and had a blast doing it.

Got really into road cycling and had a lot of fun.

Milo’s health stabilized and improved.

Met and/or got closer to a few great people.

Made good money working as much as I wanted in advertising.

Felt like I learned a thing or two about life.

Felt gratitude for all the good in my life, and that I’ll learn from the bad.

Got outdoors a whole lot, and went some amazing places.



The Bummers:

The demise of my marriage.

The passing of Oscar The Cat.

Didn’t do as much dog training as I’d hoped.

It’s costly to keep Milo this healthy!

Spent a lot of time and money at the dentist due to another dentist.

Still depending on adbucks instead of more meaningful work.

Had some tough choices to make.

My yoga practice suffered, and therefore, so did I.



Hope 2006 is filled with love, lust and fun for all!

xoxo's to all my friends!