In a (visual) nutshell

Want to see photos from our backpacking trip of the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne? Michelle, friend and professional shutterbabe, took these photos of our trip. Take a look.

going home

i just finished packing. it's been a long while since i've loaded my backpack with gear. i had it down to such a science when i went backpacking every single weekend.

soon, i will be backpacking again. in a place i consider "home". it may be a bit odd to consider a national park one's home, but to me, yosemite will always feel like going home. it's been three summers since i lived there. that summer i lived there was life altering in so many ways. to me, yosemite represents freedom, simplicity, exploration and adventure. i long for all of those things, so it is with much glee that i pack to go home.

i will see dear friends i've missed. jenny. zara. who knows who else? secret crushes. the people who live there look out for one another; it's an odd community, but a tightly knit one. though i've been gone for three years, in some ways it will be like i never left. the yosemite hook-up of friends taking care of one another is still going strong.

there are places i've never been, even in the valley. hidden falls. can you believe it? i have less than 24 hours in the valley before we depart on the hiker's bus for our backpacking trip of the grand canyon of the tuolumne, but i plan to wring every last drop out of those precious minutes. jenny promises to take me to hidden falls. i want to see the indian caves again, a place very dear to me because of some special time there with paul. i'd like to go to devil's bathtub, but probably won't. i want to hang on the pizza deck on a saturday night. the river is low this year, and i want to grab the last day of rafting on the merced with beer and friends while lazily meandering the last of the trickle.

my hands smell like the mosquito repellent i packed an hour ago. the smell may be noxious to some, but for me, it's a reminder of home.

Ouchy Brain

It's Monday and I'm already exhausted and over this work week.

I'm starting week 4 of being back in an office 5 days a week. As of right now, I'm booked through the end of the month. That's some long hours between here and there.

Everytime I go back to work in an agency, I honestly think, "How can people work five days a week?" It's just not right. Year in, and year out. With only a few weeks of vacation a year. Five days a week. Two days to squeeze living in. Inevitably, one of those days becomes about errands, laundry, sleep, catching up on all the things that get put off while one works long hours for a string of days. Never mind commuting. Or the time away from the office checking emails and getting calls on the cel.

I can't do it. I watch people and wonder how they pull it off. I think it shows in people's posture and demeanor. But yet, this turning one's life over is what's completely normal and acceptable in our society. Anything else and you're not dedicated, or ambitious.

Why is that?

What is ambition anyway?

What keeps me going while feeling like a fish out of water in a cube farm? Plans. Plans for the life I plan to have when I take my little pile of money and run. I am always very conscious of trading a dollar amount for an hour of my life. That hour I will never get back, so I better get the most for it.

My current motivational plan is a backpacking trip in Yosemite. Paul, Michelle and I are going to do the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne over the fourth of July weekend. I've done it once before, much too quickly to appreciate it well, and I know how deeply relaxing the daily hiking, rivers, waterfalls, and stars will be. My soul craves it like some crave love. It is love, I suppose.