i just finished packing. it's been a long while since i've loaded my backpack with gear. i had it down to such a science when i went backpacking every single weekend.
soon, i will be backpacking again. in a place i consider "home". it may be a bit odd to consider a national park one's home, but to me, yosemite will always feel like going home. it's been three summers since i lived there. that summer i lived there was life altering in so many ways. to me, yosemite represents freedom, simplicity, exploration and adventure. i long for all of those things, so it is with much glee that i pack to go home.
i will see dear friends i've missed. jenny. zara. who knows who else? secret crushes. the people who live there look out for one another; it's an odd community, but a tightly knit one. though i've been gone for three years, in some ways it will be like i never left. the yosemite hook-up of friends taking care of one another is still going strong.
there are places i've never been, even in the valley. hidden falls. can you believe it? i have less than 24 hours in the valley before we depart on the hiker's bus for our backpacking trip of the grand canyon of the tuolumne, but i plan to wring every last drop out of those precious minutes. jenny promises to take me to hidden falls. i want to see the indian caves again, a place very dear to me because of some special time there with paul. i'd like to go to devil's bathtub, but probably won't. i want to hang on the pizza deck on a saturday night. the river is low this year, and i want to grab the last day of rafting on the merced with beer and friends while lazily meandering the last of the trickle.
my hands smell like the mosquito repellent i packed an hour ago. the smell may be noxious to some, but for me, it's a reminder of home.
June 28, 2007
June 12, 2007
What would you name your traffic school?
Not to spill Paul's business, but he got a speeding ticket a while back. By paying a fine and going to traffic school he can avoid points on his license. Traffic school. Sounds dull and awful, doesn't it? Apparently whoever came up with "Comedy Traffic School" was on to something. It addressed the notion of sitting through some boring class. Looking through the Yellow Pages, Paul read off to me a long list of traffic school names that made "Comedy Traffic School" sound mundane. There was "Fun! Fun! Fun! and PIZZA!" traffic school, the was just ho-hum "Fun Fun Fun! Traffic School" and various permutations that guaranteed FUN!!!
Thinking about the marketing of traffic school made me think they're focusing too narrowly on their creative ideas for traffic school.
I want to start the "Bitches with Whips" traffic school, staff it with a few dommes. I'm certain it would be a hit in San Francisco.
Thinking about the marketing of traffic school made me think they're focusing too narrowly on their creative ideas for traffic school.
I want to start the "Bitches with Whips" traffic school, staff it with a few dommes. I'm certain it would be a hit in San Francisco.
June 11, 2007
Why are Mondays So Rough?
They just are. Today was a Big Brain day at work. Had to think a lot, juggle too much, and negotiate many large and small details. i blasted out of work around 6, hell bent on making it to a spin class. Traffic was unusually cooperative and I made it. It felt good, necessary, and right to be breaking a sweat. I was/am getting cranky. There was a palpable tension in the air today at work. That's not right for a Monday.
I'm on a crazy endless Pixies kick right now. Have listened to nothing else for two days. It won't leave my brain. Music I hear while getting tattooed etches itself in deeply. Pixies rule. How did I overlook all this goodness in my itunes?
My bike frame is built! It's been shipped off to get painted now, where it will be made uniquely mine. It's getting a purple paint job with lotus flowers and skull 'n crossbones airbrushed on. If that isn't rad, I don't know what is.
P i x i e s r u l e m y b r a i n . . . .
I'm on a crazy endless Pixies kick right now. Have listened to nothing else for two days. It won't leave my brain. Music I hear while getting tattooed etches itself in deeply. Pixies rule. How did I overlook all this goodness in my itunes?
My bike frame is built! It's been shipped off to get painted now, where it will be made uniquely mine. It's getting a purple paint job with lotus flowers and skull 'n crossbones airbrushed on. If that isn't rad, I don't know what is.
P i x i e s r u l e m y b r a i n . . . .
June 9, 2007
This week
More tattoo fun! I wasn't supposed to get inked until next weekend. I'd emailed Marcus asking him if he thought two weeks was enough time to heal before heading out on my backpacking trip over the July 4th weekend. He called me and squeezed me in, saying another week healing would be best. It's essentially done; I might need a half hour to touch some stuff up. I'm pretty happy with it. It fits much better than my old tattoo. But damn Marcus, he keeps leaving things open to the possibilites of extending my tattoos.
No more ink until after Nepal!
This week was rough. Paul found out on Wednesday that he needed surgery the next day. I'm in the middle of a big production, but I was fortunate enough to juggle my schedule so I could pick him up from the hospital Good thing I did, too. When he was leaving, he nearly passed out. I returned upstairs to find his nurse running, saying "He felt a little dizzy." I follow her to find him on a bed, shirt off and absolutely pouring sweat, mumbling incoherently about his hands going into claw-hand. Low oxygen, I noted. He was pale. Blood pressure was way down (down around where my normal BP is!, but I have almost concerningly low BP). He was experiencing symptoms of shock. I could go on an on, but it was a long evening spent reacting to Demerol. Demerol is satan. Don't take it!
Work was crazy this week, but crazy is the norm. I'm seeing a decent amount of overtime, that's for sure. Time and a half isn't such a bad thing.
Berkeley Farmer's Market this morning. Blueberries! No yoga, due to to inkage. Luna dog is lying asleep at my feet. Massage tomorrow. All in all, I can't complain.
No more ink until after Nepal!
This week was rough. Paul found out on Wednesday that he needed surgery the next day. I'm in the middle of a big production, but I was fortunate enough to juggle my schedule so I could pick him up from the hospital Good thing I did, too. When he was leaving, he nearly passed out. I returned upstairs to find his nurse running, saying "He felt a little dizzy." I follow her to find him on a bed, shirt off and absolutely pouring sweat, mumbling incoherently about his hands going into claw-hand. Low oxygen, I noted. He was pale. Blood pressure was way down (down around where my normal BP is!, but I have almost concerningly low BP). He was experiencing symptoms of shock. I could go on an on, but it was a long evening spent reacting to Demerol. Demerol is satan. Don't take it!
Work was crazy this week, but crazy is the norm. I'm seeing a decent amount of overtime, that's for sure. Time and a half isn't such a bad thing.
Berkeley Farmer's Market this morning. Blueberries! No yoga, due to to inkage. Luna dog is lying asleep at my feet. Massage tomorrow. All in all, I can't complain.
June 5, 2007
is it me?
do most people resent having to spend so much of their life working?
i do. yet i am strong, not weak. i can work my ass off. i am one of the most dilligent, organized, focused people i know.
is it because i expend so much energy on work that doesn't resonate within? does work hold such deep meaning for most people?
there's this CD (creative director) where i work. he's younger than me, and to him, it's all advertising, all the time. it's about the book, the thrill, the end product. i wish i were that passionate about work. or do i?
to me, work is a means to an end, a way to support a life. work is not life. work is work, or else work would be called "fun".
yet, it's not like i work in insurance. or something similarly dry. and i think even if i was over the moon about work, i still would not want to do it 50 hours a week. it's work. there's still life to be had.
and yet, i ponder the idea of getting a "real" job, in something i find more meaningful. i'd be making about 1/20th of what i do now, working more.
is that right? nope.
such is the conundrum of money vs. meaning, satisfaction vs. cash, freedom vs. happiness.
i do. yet i am strong, not weak. i can work my ass off. i am one of the most dilligent, organized, focused people i know.
is it because i expend so much energy on work that doesn't resonate within? does work hold such deep meaning for most people?
there's this CD (creative director) where i work. he's younger than me, and to him, it's all advertising, all the time. it's about the book, the thrill, the end product. i wish i were that passionate about work. or do i?
to me, work is a means to an end, a way to support a life. work is not life. work is work, or else work would be called "fun".
yet, it's not like i work in insurance. or something similarly dry. and i think even if i was over the moon about work, i still would not want to do it 50 hours a week. it's work. there's still life to be had.
and yet, i ponder the idea of getting a "real" job, in something i find more meaningful. i'd be making about 1/20th of what i do now, working more.
is that right? nope.
such is the conundrum of money vs. meaning, satisfaction vs. cash, freedom vs. happiness.
June 4, 2007
Ouchy Brain
It's Monday and I'm already exhausted and over this work week.
I'm starting week 4 of being back in an office 5 days a week. As of right now, I'm booked through the end of the month. That's some long hours between here and there.
Everytime I go back to work in an agency, I honestly think, "How can people work five days a week?" It's just not right. Year in, and year out. With only a few weeks of vacation a year. Five days a week. Two days to squeeze living in. Inevitably, one of those days becomes about errands, laundry, sleep, catching up on all the things that get put off while one works long hours for a string of days. Never mind commuting. Or the time away from the office checking emails and getting calls on the cel.
I can't do it. I watch people and wonder how they pull it off. I think it shows in people's posture and demeanor. But yet, this turning one's life over is what's completely normal and acceptable in our society. Anything else and you're not dedicated, or ambitious.
Why is that?
What is ambition anyway?
What keeps me going while feeling like a fish out of water in a cube farm? Plans. Plans for the life I plan to have when I take my little pile of money and run. I am always very conscious of trading a dollar amount for an hour of my life. That hour I will never get back, so I better get the most for it.
My current motivational plan is a backpacking trip in Yosemite. Paul, Michelle and I are going to do the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne over the fourth of July weekend. I've done it once before, much too quickly to appreciate it well, and I know how deeply relaxing the daily hiking, rivers, waterfalls, and stars will be. My soul craves it like some crave love. It is love, I suppose.
I'm starting week 4 of being back in an office 5 days a week. As of right now, I'm booked through the end of the month. That's some long hours between here and there.
Everytime I go back to work in an agency, I honestly think, "How can people work five days a week?" It's just not right. Year in, and year out. With only a few weeks of vacation a year. Five days a week. Two days to squeeze living in. Inevitably, one of those days becomes about errands, laundry, sleep, catching up on all the things that get put off while one works long hours for a string of days. Never mind commuting. Or the time away from the office checking emails and getting calls on the cel.
I can't do it. I watch people and wonder how they pull it off. I think it shows in people's posture and demeanor. But yet, this turning one's life over is what's completely normal and acceptable in our society. Anything else and you're not dedicated, or ambitious.
Why is that?
What is ambition anyway?
What keeps me going while feeling like a fish out of water in a cube farm? Plans. Plans for the life I plan to have when I take my little pile of money and run. I am always very conscious of trading a dollar amount for an hour of my life. That hour I will never get back, so I better get the most for it.
My current motivational plan is a backpacking trip in Yosemite. Paul, Michelle and I are going to do the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne over the fourth of July weekend. I've done it once before, much too quickly to appreciate it well, and I know how deeply relaxing the daily hiking, rivers, waterfalls, and stars will be. My soul craves it like some crave love. It is love, I suppose.
May 28, 2007
finally!
the thai air website FINALLY cooperated.
i believe i just purchased my RT ticket from Bangkok to Kathmandu!
this has been an early lesson in transportation matters not going smoothly as one might hope. the thai air website has had endless problems, right down to a programming error that, because i couldn't select "ms." as my prefix to my name, wouldn't allow me to proceed with booking my ticket.
the site would randomly freeze. daily. weekly. been trying forever.
emails to thai air...well, what do you expect? and to go through the Los Angeles office of thai air, the same exact ticket was $400 more. go figure.
the travel gods were with me this evening. after a couple tries, my credit card was finally accepted. (now let's hope it won't get stolen and used rampantly throughout asia!)
woo-hoo. october 4 - november 15. nepal. tibet, hopefully, too. everest base camp, possibly? annapurna circuit definitely.
stoked.
i believe i just purchased my RT ticket from Bangkok to Kathmandu!
this has been an early lesson in transportation matters not going smoothly as one might hope. the thai air website has had endless problems, right down to a programming error that, because i couldn't select "ms." as my prefix to my name, wouldn't allow me to proceed with booking my ticket.
the site would randomly freeze. daily. weekly. been trying forever.
emails to thai air...well, what do you expect? and to go through the Los Angeles office of thai air, the same exact ticket was $400 more. go figure.
the travel gods were with me this evening. after a couple tries, my credit card was finally accepted. (now let's hope it won't get stolen and used rampantly throughout asia!)
woo-hoo. october 4 - november 15. nepal. tibet, hopefully, too. everest base camp, possibly? annapurna circuit definitely.
stoked.
r a n d o m o n i a
mom left this morning. first time in years she didn't make me batshit at various points. i love my mom, but adult parent-child relationships can be...ah, interesting? challenging? AFOG. (another fuckin' opportunity for growth). that's what they are.
i have new neighbors upstairs. they turn their TV on at 6am. they listen to the stereo on heavy bass... their footsteps are much heavier than our previous neighbors. old neighbors even had delightfully exuberant pit bulls who ran laps. must meet new neighbors else they only annoy from afar.
new ink. covering my first tattoo. larger chest piece. slippery slope. pretty colors.
paul's about to lose his yoga bet. five spin classes in june. cannot wait to see this.
not exercising due to daily 9am work meeting (wtf?) and long hours. might be blowing off the morning meeting. exercise is sanity when working crazily.
breathing. it is an important thing to do.
june is around the corner. june conveys beginnings and endings. i was both married and divorced in the month of june. this year june promises long hours working. more tattoo fun. hopefully some good outdoorsy action. the possibility of my new bike being completed?
bike? ride? not hardly these days. sad.
but so much good around.
i have new neighbors upstairs. they turn their TV on at 6am. they listen to the stereo on heavy bass... their footsteps are much heavier than our previous neighbors. old neighbors even had delightfully exuberant pit bulls who ran laps. must meet new neighbors else they only annoy from afar.
new ink. covering my first tattoo. larger chest piece. slippery slope. pretty colors.
paul's about to lose his yoga bet. five spin classes in june. cannot wait to see this.
not exercising due to daily 9am work meeting (wtf?) and long hours. might be blowing off the morning meeting. exercise is sanity when working crazily.
breathing. it is an important thing to do.
june is around the corner. june conveys beginnings and endings. i was both married and divorced in the month of june. this year june promises long hours working. more tattoo fun. hopefully some good outdoorsy action. the possibility of my new bike being completed?
bike? ride? not hardly these days. sad.
but so much good around.
May 24, 2007
Start to Finish
What an annoyingly off day today was.
It started with the ECD (head creative honcho, for those who don't adspeak) directing a fucking-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck rant at me over some images not being in his important little hands. Uh-huh, dude, I don't care who you are, don't be an unprofessional fuck and speak to me in that manner. I don't sit so far from the front door, and you ain't paying me enough money to take your bullshit on.
Then the trip over the Bay Bridge home was The Worst I've Ever Seen. It took a full 40 minutes to get on the damn bridge.
I drove into work today because my mom came into town, and had to lug her luggage.
She's now asleep on my couch snoring as loud as an old man who has a barrel chest andhair in his ears.
Except she has neither.
But, damn. She's loud. Wonder if we'll get much sleep tonight.
TGIF tomorrow....
It started with the ECD (head creative honcho, for those who don't adspeak) directing a fucking-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck rant at me over some images not being in his important little hands. Uh-huh, dude, I don't care who you are, don't be an unprofessional fuck and speak to me in that manner. I don't sit so far from the front door, and you ain't paying me enough money to take your bullshit on.
Then the trip over the Bay Bridge home was The Worst I've Ever Seen. It took a full 40 minutes to get on the damn bridge.
I drove into work today because my mom came into town, and had to lug her luggage.
She's now asleep on my couch snoring as loud as an old man who has a barrel chest andhair in his ears.
Except she has neither.
But, damn. She's loud. Wonder if we'll get much sleep tonight.
TGIF tomorrow....
May 21, 2007
Ask and ye shall receive
It sounds silly to believe in the power of intention. But I do.
It happens over and over, where I ask for something, and when I really am clear about my intentions, things show up.
Like work. Until last week, I'd only worked three weeks this year. I'd had a nice long break since Thanksgiving.
I put it out there: work, please show up. I made a couple small actions in contacting a couple people and agencies whom I'd never worked with.
A gig rolled in, booking me through the end of June. Then another agency wanted to book most of my June. Funny how that happens.
When the bank account starts getting uncomfortably low, work always shows up. I trust this, and I think that's why I'm a stress-free freelancer.
But, oh man, is it rough to go from limitless free time without much responsibility to flat-out slammed silly busy. My brain actually takes a day or two to get used to the juggling state of overwhelm. It takes adjusting to squeeze life in around the edges of work. Weekends become all about errands and laundry. I honestly don't know how staffers do it on a year in, year out basis. I can do it in the short-term because I'm paid hourly and anything is possible for short stints.
Last week was a doozy. The agency I'm working at now is new, and it's like a hip ad agency thrown into a dot-com blender. I easily saw 55 hours worked last week. I was exhausted and drained at the end of each day, and cumulatively, at the end of the week.
Time to suck it up, kiddo. Remember: Nepal. That's what I keep telling myself.
It happens over and over, where I ask for something, and when I really am clear about my intentions, things show up.
Like work. Until last week, I'd only worked three weeks this year. I'd had a nice long break since Thanksgiving.
I put it out there: work, please show up. I made a couple small actions in contacting a couple people and agencies whom I'd never worked with.
A gig rolled in, booking me through the end of June. Then another agency wanted to book most of my June. Funny how that happens.
When the bank account starts getting uncomfortably low, work always shows up. I trust this, and I think that's why I'm a stress-free freelancer.
But, oh man, is it rough to go from limitless free time without much responsibility to flat-out slammed silly busy. My brain actually takes a day or two to get used to the juggling state of overwhelm. It takes adjusting to squeeze life in around the edges of work. Weekends become all about errands and laundry. I honestly don't know how staffers do it on a year in, year out basis. I can do it in the short-term because I'm paid hourly and anything is possible for short stints.
Last week was a doozy. The agency I'm working at now is new, and it's like a hip ad agency thrown into a dot-com blender. I easily saw 55 hours worked last week. I was exhausted and drained at the end of each day, and cumulatively, at the end of the week.
Time to suck it up, kiddo. Remember: Nepal. That's what I keep telling myself.
May 13, 2007
It's always changing
I was looking forward to an exciting May. All kinds of adventures.
It's a good reminder to not get attached to things. For the most part, that has been easy to do. The Grizzly Peak Century was last weekend. I rode it, but bailed around 57 miles. My allergies have been active recently, and this resulted in my asthma flaring up on the ride. I knew it wasn't smart to do the full 108 even though I had an inhaler. And then Mark's chain broke. That sealed the deal. Mark had been an angel and was hanging back with me while I was slow poking it. With a broken chain, thus concluded our ride. We called Paul to come get us in Moraga.
Oh well. It was a lovely day for riding. 55+ miles plus isn't too shabby. But I'm starting to feel lame....because now I can't do the Davis Double either.
Remember how I was wanting to get some work? It's here. I went in one day to get aquainted, and tomorrow I start for real. Looks like they need me through June. I am walking into some heavy disorganization. I know this place to be demanding and stressful and 24/7. I will be grateful for the work and shut up (for now). Even if I did lower my rate a bit.
So this week will be nuts and I can't cut out early on Friday or be unreachable on Saturday. So it was with much regret that I had to tell Mark I wasn't riding Davis. Ultra-lame cause I had bugged him to register and ride it with me.
Oh, and the Yosemite trip? That got bagged, too. Sadly. Paul's not been bounding back in his recovery quite as fast as we'd hoped. It wouldn't have been fun, he would have parked it by the river and not moved. We'll go another time.
I did manage a hike this weekend. Tennessee Valley over to Rodeo Beach. Wonderful. Amazing views. Can't believe I've not done that one before.
Now that I'll be working, I have to manage to get exercise in before work. Six a.m. spin classes just aren't fun for me. But I gotta do them. I realized my tip-top fitness has been slipping because of being in a relationship and living with Paul. No blame, it's just been some choices I've made.
It's just time to make some different choices.
It's a good reminder to not get attached to things. For the most part, that has been easy to do. The Grizzly Peak Century was last weekend. I rode it, but bailed around 57 miles. My allergies have been active recently, and this resulted in my asthma flaring up on the ride. I knew it wasn't smart to do the full 108 even though I had an inhaler. And then Mark's chain broke. That sealed the deal. Mark had been an angel and was hanging back with me while I was slow poking it. With a broken chain, thus concluded our ride. We called Paul to come get us in Moraga.
Oh well. It was a lovely day for riding. 55+ miles plus isn't too shabby. But I'm starting to feel lame....because now I can't do the Davis Double either.
Remember how I was wanting to get some work? It's here. I went in one day to get aquainted, and tomorrow I start for real. Looks like they need me through June. I am walking into some heavy disorganization. I know this place to be demanding and stressful and 24/7. I will be grateful for the work and shut up (for now). Even if I did lower my rate a bit.
So this week will be nuts and I can't cut out early on Friday or be unreachable on Saturday. So it was with much regret that I had to tell Mark I wasn't riding Davis. Ultra-lame cause I had bugged him to register and ride it with me.
Oh, and the Yosemite trip? That got bagged, too. Sadly. Paul's not been bounding back in his recovery quite as fast as we'd hoped. It wouldn't have been fun, he would have parked it by the river and not moved. We'll go another time.
I did manage a hike this weekend. Tennessee Valley over to Rodeo Beach. Wonderful. Amazing views. Can't believe I've not done that one before.
Now that I'll be working, I have to manage to get exercise in before work. Six a.m. spin classes just aren't fun for me. But I gotta do them. I realized my tip-top fitness has been slipping because of being in a relationship and living with Paul. No blame, it's just been some choices I've made.
It's just time to make some different choices.
May 1, 2007
Defensiveness
Defensiveness is the bastard child of shame.
that's the difference between sensitivity and defensiveness.
that's the difference between sensitivity and defensiveness.
April 30, 2007
Get Ready
May is going to be an excellent month.
1. Yosemite Trip!
2. Bike event(s)
3. New tattoo work begins
4. Mom comes to visit
5.Going on a citizen ride-along with Oakland Police Dept
6. Work will definitely show up
1. Yosemite Trip!
2. Bike event(s)
3. New tattoo work begins
4. Mom comes to visit
5.Going on a citizen ride-along with Oakland Police Dept
6. Work will definitely show up
April 21, 2007
April 19, 2007
Yes, a Chipmunk.
Most people don't know this, but I have been working with a Life Purpose Coach. I know that advertising work allows me great freedom, but the work isn't meaningful to me, in fact, it is rather the opposite. I feel strongly that if I must work, it should be doing something that is either beneficial in some capacity, or is personally meaningful.
So we've been going through various exercises, and this most recent one was a guided meditation done to a CD. Since I am not at all religious and don't have a god, this was my chosen method to access my "soul". The CD presents itself as a means to visualize yourself sitting in a beautiful setting, then walking down a path and coming upon what is to be your sacred area. One visualizes various things. (I'm rather reluctant to post my entire notes from the sitting, but they're pretty Timothy Leary-ish.) This methodology assumes you have a Protector (aka Ego) that wants you to be safe, protected and happy. You conjure up your Protector, and ask them to step outside the sacred circle you've put yourself into.
Any guesses what my Protector emerged as while I did this visualized meditation?
A Chipmunk. Yes, you read that correctly.
Where did that come from? Okay, so I go on with the rest of the guided meditation (which was quite visual, trippy and had interesting bodily sensations). After I was finished, I was very intrigued about this chipmunk. It seemed so random.
Thanks to the power of the internet, I was able to look up the symbolism of chipmunks. This particular website gave me my totem animal. Here is the description of my Chipmunk Totem:
Chipmunk, like squirrel, embodies the quality of trust. They have little fear of people and are often found in rural areas, city parks and in the wild. Chipmunks are very curious and take the time to explore everything that comes across their path. They are inquisitive, fearless and playful. They do what they want to do in their own time frame. They are quite vocal often drawing attention to themselves. Chipmunk medicine people will not tolerate being told what to do or when to do it.
They make good leaders and spokespersons.
When a chipmunk is twelve weeks old they have the ability to be on their own. The symbolism of the number twelve or the combined numbers of one and two should be studied by those with this totem. Cycles occur regularly in a persons life and those with chipmunk medicine will often find that changes will occur in their life approximately every twelve weeks or twelve months. Knowing this gives you forewarning and the opportunity for preparedness.
By watching the chipmunks behavior much can be learned. They appear to scamper to and fro always in a hurry to get somewhere. Starting in one direction, circling around and arriving back where they started from. There is no detail that goes unnoticed by the chipmunk as they circle around andsee beyond the obvious. Chipmunk teaches the art of observation and
appropriate movement.
Chipmunks have an air of independence and certainty about them. Their inquisitive nature leads them into unexplored territory and their detailed mind leaves no stone unturned.
If chipmunk is your totem pay attention to how your energy is being used. Are you thoughts constructive or destructive? Are your fears keeping you from playing and enjoying life? Are you in charge of your life or have you given you authority over to another?
Chipmunk is the messenger of many realms. If this is your totem you are on your way to self discovery.
This was spot on. Fascinating. Telling.
When I spoke to my Coach this morning, we went through this because I identify with a lot of what is described above. It made sense to her that my protector showed up like this, because this is part of the conscious self, the ego, etc.
There was one other part of the exercises that I couldn't bring myself to do. It involves some journaling and asking questions of the "soul" or whatever source it was that gave me my last bit of information ("it" did tell me a "purpose", albeit a vague one, so I need to go back and ask some additional questions.)
This journaling exercise cannot be done by me in my livingroom. Or indoors. I have been having dreams about needing to go back to Yosemite. So there is where I will go to ask these questions, sitting by a river. How Herman Hesse, huh? I have long been drawn to listening to the river rushing and all the voices within, so I will go to Yosemite and sit. And ask. Ask the river.
A weekend has been carved out to go to Yosemite anyway, since I have been getting the jones.
Uh-huh. Jen's going a little crazy, a little too much granola for breakfast, a little woo-woo. Poor, dotty girl you might be thinking.
Hey, man, a chipmunk has got my back. Can you do better than that?
So we've been going through various exercises, and this most recent one was a guided meditation done to a CD. Since I am not at all religious and don't have a god, this was my chosen method to access my "soul". The CD presents itself as a means to visualize yourself sitting in a beautiful setting, then walking down a path and coming upon what is to be your sacred area. One visualizes various things. (I'm rather reluctant to post my entire notes from the sitting, but they're pretty Timothy Leary-ish.) This methodology assumes you have a Protector (aka Ego) that wants you to be safe, protected and happy. You conjure up your Protector, and ask them to step outside the sacred circle you've put yourself into.
Any guesses what my Protector emerged as while I did this visualized meditation?
A Chipmunk. Yes, you read that correctly.
Where did that come from? Okay, so I go on with the rest of the guided meditation (which was quite visual, trippy and had interesting bodily sensations). After I was finished, I was very intrigued about this chipmunk. It seemed so random.
Thanks to the power of the internet, I was able to look up the symbolism of chipmunks. This particular website gave me my totem animal. Here is the description of my Chipmunk Totem:
Chipmunk, like squirrel, embodies the quality of trust. They have little fear of people and are often found in rural areas, city parks and in the wild. Chipmunks are very curious and take the time to explore everything that comes across their path. They are inquisitive, fearless and playful. They do what they want to do in their own time frame. They are quite vocal often drawing attention to themselves. Chipmunk medicine people will not tolerate being told what to do or when to do it.
They make good leaders and spokespersons.
When a chipmunk is twelve weeks old they have the ability to be on their own. The symbolism of the number twelve or the combined numbers of one and two should be studied by those with this totem. Cycles occur regularly in a persons life and those with chipmunk medicine will often find that changes will occur in their life approximately every twelve weeks or twelve months. Knowing this gives you forewarning and the opportunity for preparedness.
By watching the chipmunks behavior much can be learned. They appear to scamper to and fro always in a hurry to get somewhere. Starting in one direction, circling around and arriving back where they started from. There is no detail that goes unnoticed by the chipmunk as they circle around andsee beyond the obvious. Chipmunk teaches the art of observation and
appropriate movement.
Chipmunks have an air of independence and certainty about them. Their inquisitive nature leads them into unexplored territory and their detailed mind leaves no stone unturned.
If chipmunk is your totem pay attention to how your energy is being used. Are you thoughts constructive or destructive? Are your fears keeping you from playing and enjoying life? Are you in charge of your life or have you given you authority over to another?
Chipmunk is the messenger of many realms. If this is your totem you are on your way to self discovery.
This was spot on. Fascinating. Telling.
When I spoke to my Coach this morning, we went through this because I identify with a lot of what is described above. It made sense to her that my protector showed up like this, because this is part of the conscious self, the ego, etc.
There was one other part of the exercises that I couldn't bring myself to do. It involves some journaling and asking questions of the "soul" or whatever source it was that gave me my last bit of information ("it" did tell me a "purpose", albeit a vague one, so I need to go back and ask some additional questions.)
This journaling exercise cannot be done by me in my livingroom. Or indoors. I have been having dreams about needing to go back to Yosemite. So there is where I will go to ask these questions, sitting by a river. How Herman Hesse, huh? I have long been drawn to listening to the river rushing and all the voices within, so I will go to Yosemite and sit. And ask. Ask the river.
A weekend has been carved out to go to Yosemite anyway, since I have been getting the jones.
Uh-huh. Jen's going a little crazy, a little too much granola for breakfast, a little woo-woo. Poor, dotty girl you might be thinking.
Hey, man, a chipmunk has got my back. Can you do better than that?
April 18, 2007
Need my fix one more time...
Like a junkie, I need one more. It seems as if I'm going to get it.
It's snowing. Kirkwood got six inches yesterday, and if the forecast remains true, there ought to be another six or so inches for Friday. So we're going to make the drive and get in what will likely be the last riding day of the season. I thought the season was done, but Mother Nature seems to be delivering a late season bag o' tricks.
Michelle called me excited to go up on Friday. I convinced P to take the day off, too. Road trip! It's a long day, up and back, but when it's good it's worth it.
My dilemma: I got a new board. Haven't ridden it because the season went to shit. Do I ride it? There will be potentially exposed rocks and junk to scratch up my new board. Or do I leave it tucked in the back of the closet until next season? I think I'll bring it, and leave my options open. I can do this, since we'll all be piling in my car.
(Hello, universe! Just because I'm having a ridiculous amount of fun playing doesn't mean you can't bring on some money-making work. Thanks!)
It's snowing. Kirkwood got six inches yesterday, and if the forecast remains true, there ought to be another six or so inches for Friday. So we're going to make the drive and get in what will likely be the last riding day of the season. I thought the season was done, but Mother Nature seems to be delivering a late season bag o' tricks.
Michelle called me excited to go up on Friday. I convinced P to take the day off, too. Road trip! It's a long day, up and back, but when it's good it's worth it.
My dilemma: I got a new board. Haven't ridden it because the season went to shit. Do I ride it? There will be potentially exposed rocks and junk to scratch up my new board. Or do I leave it tucked in the back of the closet until next season? I think I'll bring it, and leave my options open. I can do this, since we'll all be piling in my car.
(Hello, universe! Just because I'm having a ridiculous amount of fun playing doesn't mean you can't bring on some money-making work. Thanks!)
April 15, 2007
Whew!
I passed.
What a relief. I am supposed to guide an outing next weekend, so my certification had to be current. Medical stuff is more in the forefront of my mind than it has been for a while. This information can be life or death in the backcountry (and also when in Nepal), so it's not the kind of thing one wants to lose fluency in.
I've been stressin' this most of last week. Life can resume now.
(Um, hello to the universe: need some adbucks, could use some work. please?)
What a relief. I am supposed to guide an outing next weekend, so my certification had to be current. Medical stuff is more in the forefront of my mind than it has been for a while. This information can be life or death in the backcountry (and also when in Nepal), so it's not the kind of thing one wants to lose fluency in.
I've been stressin' this most of last week. Life can resume now.
(Um, hello to the universe: need some adbucks, could use some work. please?)
April 11, 2007
Why can't REI sell REAL bras?
Oh, I am so not a Real Girl. It's a sad fact that if an item in my wardrobe didn't come from REI, then it's from a thrift store. I confess: I hate shopping for clothes if they're for me. Thus, I end up buying all my clothes at REI, not only because of the convenience factor, but also because my employee discount kind of makes paying full retail anywhere seem like a waste of money. And yes, sure, the clothes REI sells kinda fits in with my outdoorsy-crunchy look I seem to have landed into because I could care less about spending time on coordinating outfits and looking good. My personal clothes-buying philosophy is that I should be able to get dressed in the dark, that every shirt should go with every pair of pants and that everything is neutral enough that I don't need to spend time getting matchy. Pretty seems to be a word that eludes me, and I'm okay with that.
Anyway, REI doesn't carry real bras. They carry sports bras, and I do have self-worth enough to not parade around a uniboob at all times. I desperately need new bras. I detest bra shopping in the worst way. It is only second to going to the dentist. The only way to make the bra buying experience somewhat bearable is for me to commit spending fat cash on bras, and to go to Nordstrom's. They have bra chicks - women whose job it is to fit you, then run in and out and bring you bras. This is an unbelievably fantastic service, because part of what I hate about bra shopping is trying on bras that don't fit, getting dressed again to go find more possibilities, and then repeating ad nauseum until I find a couple that work. The bra fitters get a proper fit, find bras that work for one's size and shape, and then bring them to you and adjust straps, etc. It's lovely because it cuts the shopping time dramatically, and aside from the pain of plunking down the credit card, it takes much of the misery out of bra shopping.
Despite my glowing testimonial of bra shopping at Nordstrom's, I can't drag my ass there to get much needed bras. I have three and they're falling apart. How un-sexy is that? Nevermind that I also just go for the industrial-strength bra because finding support and sexy hardly go together when you're looking for a bra in my size. Or else I just can't give it the time it would take for the planets to align into one perfect fitting, sexy, overpriced scrap of fabric and underwire.
Today I went into SF. I intended to go to Nordstrom's. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. But I went by REI, mostly to say hi to my boss there. I left with a bag of purchases, all Prana: a cute strappy tank top, a lacy skirt and a pair of stretchy zip-off convertible pants. Good lord, if they could just sell bras.
Go figure, I somehow managed to do an unusually girlie thing today. I dove back into the higher maintenance world of the brazilian wax. Ostensibly, it's because cycling season is here and this results in less ingrown hairs when I spend countless hours in spandex shorts. But there's something nice about the tidy smoothness. Hello? I can get hair stripped from my girlie bits, but I can't go buy a couple bras.
How lame is that?
Anyway, REI doesn't carry real bras. They carry sports bras, and I do have self-worth enough to not parade around a uniboob at all times. I desperately need new bras. I detest bra shopping in the worst way. It is only second to going to the dentist. The only way to make the bra buying experience somewhat bearable is for me to commit spending fat cash on bras, and to go to Nordstrom's. They have bra chicks - women whose job it is to fit you, then run in and out and bring you bras. This is an unbelievably fantastic service, because part of what I hate about bra shopping is trying on bras that don't fit, getting dressed again to go find more possibilities, and then repeating ad nauseum until I find a couple that work. The bra fitters get a proper fit, find bras that work for one's size and shape, and then bring them to you and adjust straps, etc. It's lovely because it cuts the shopping time dramatically, and aside from the pain of plunking down the credit card, it takes much of the misery out of bra shopping.
Despite my glowing testimonial of bra shopping at Nordstrom's, I can't drag my ass there to get much needed bras. I have three and they're falling apart. How un-sexy is that? Nevermind that I also just go for the industrial-strength bra because finding support and sexy hardly go together when you're looking for a bra in my size. Or else I just can't give it the time it would take for the planets to align into one perfect fitting, sexy, overpriced scrap of fabric and underwire.
Today I went into SF. I intended to go to Nordstrom's. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. But I went by REI, mostly to say hi to my boss there. I left with a bag of purchases, all Prana: a cute strappy tank top, a lacy skirt and a pair of stretchy zip-off convertible pants. Good lord, if they could just sell bras.
Go figure, I somehow managed to do an unusually girlie thing today. I dove back into the higher maintenance world of the brazilian wax. Ostensibly, it's because cycling season is here and this results in less ingrown hairs when I spend countless hours in spandex shorts. But there's something nice about the tidy smoothness. Hello? I can get hair stripped from my girlie bits, but I can't go buy a couple bras.
How lame is that?
April 7, 2007
Sloth Returns
A rainy day. A long afternoon spent in bed. A long nap.
Several Dark 'n Stormys. Potentially lethal, those. Sure, yes, still vegan. But sweet potato fries with curried mayo at 10pm?
Do not redeliver those pre-fast pounds, please.
Several Dark 'n Stormys. Potentially lethal, those. Sure, yes, still vegan. But sweet potato fries with curried mayo at 10pm?
Do not redeliver those pre-fast pounds, please.
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