duly noted.

"the only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart."
- rumi

don't raid your dreams to do laundry.

the intention has been set.
i'm planning to go to india in 2009. the jar that collects pocket change has been infused with more meaning than collecting loose change. it's the beginning of savings for india. each time i drop loose change in the jar, i pause, thinking of my wish to visit india in the year of my 40th birthday. each time change is dropped in, the goal is microscopically closer. so much of life is about cultivating intention, and the intention steers the desire, the outcome.

so, no more turning the change jar upside down combing for quarters each time we do laundry. these quarters now have a more important purpose: funding a trip back to nepal, and to visit india for the first time. in looking at the dalai lama's website, i noticed he's doing his spring teachings in dharmsala in march of 2009. if the goal is to repeat the annapurna circuit again, this time with paul, then that timing works nicely when the circuit is in it's spring peak season before the monsoon.

india is such a vast land, so many places i'd love to see. time and money will, of course, dictate how long this 40th birthday adventure will be. however long, i know that these small tokens placed in the jar have a level of importance that is new.

emasculated!

yesterday, in the midst of a particularly chaotic day at work, an art director said something that cracked me up. an account person and i were talking to him about adjusting concepts to fit within a very meager budget, he said "you're trying to neuter my big idea." in all seriousness. it was one of those statements that gets filed away under "silly things people say in ad land".

Inhale. Exhale. Wait.

Fingers crossed.
The application was mailed today.
Now, I wait.
I feel a yes, only because I want it so.
It is the first step into opening
into a new path, but not really
it's more like going deeper
into the path i've been on
...the unknown.
(nothing is really known.)

buying a clear conscience

purchasing carbon offsets is like selling papal indulgences. you can't buy absolution with sinner's money. it's a nice idea, though.

Surrender

The war is over.
In fact, there never was one.
You were the only one fighting.

That 2007 Recap Crap!

I know I've dubbed it cheesy, this end of the year wrap-up. Having just looked a two previous years of recaps, I admit it's fun to see what I wrote back then. So, I bring you (or, honestly, it's more for my feeble memory) the bright spots and bummers of 2007.

Ups:

Being blessed with the opportunity to experience Nepal. I bring so much gratitude forth into each day because of that trip.

Luna continues to bring a lotta love in my life and her health has stabilized.

Splat The Cat joined the household....never met a wackier, lovier, retarded cat. Splat and Hippo are total buds.

Backpacked the Grand Canyon of the Tuloumne.

Got in a good amount of snowboarding and finally felt like I wasn't a flailing hack.

Traveled back east to see family and attend my 20th High School Reunion.

More good inkin' from Marcus.

Got a staff job at a place where everyone is really cool, even though the place itself is a little nutty.

Continue to really like renting and living on Lake Merritt.

Huge gratitude for sharing life with Mr. Super Zen.


Downs:

Didn't ride much, and barely rode my new custom Rex bike.

Bailed, due to allergies, on the one century I attempted.

Not nearly enough camping trips!

Got a staff job, which means I have much less freedom to take time off.

Some good friendships no longer were good.

Got wrong info and missed out on 6 months of my 401k!

My grandfather dying two weeks before I went back east to see him.

Meditation? What's that?

Exhale...

Once the holiday frenzy passed this week, there was a calming that seemed to have happened. Nothing hugely dramatic, but people seemed a little less frantic out there. It was welcome. It was sweet while it lasted. Tomorrow the frenzy resumes, work resumes, traffic resumes, and if I can hope that we take anything into the new year, it's a small glimmer of remembering this past week when things were just a little less harried and people seemed to move at less than warp speed.

Happy 2008! As a cashier at Trader Joe's said: "2008! It's gonna be great!"
That has become the mantra. It sounds fun. Sounds true. Sounds hopeful.

I haven't committed to writing down resolutions since 2005 but have begun a loose list this year, always trying to keep it to 10 things. Among this year's plans are to begin a yoga teacher training program, recommit to a regular sitting practice, and to clean up my diet. The post-Nepal sugar bender left itself behind in 2007.

I've done 3+ hours of yoga in the past two days and I feel much, much better for having done so.