May 28, 2007

finally!

the thai air website FINALLY cooperated.

i believe i just purchased my RT ticket from Bangkok to Kathmandu!

this has been an early lesson in transportation matters not going smoothly as one might hope. the thai air website has had endless problems, right down to a programming error that, because i couldn't select "ms." as my prefix to my name, wouldn't allow me to proceed with booking my ticket.

the site would randomly freeze. daily. weekly. been trying forever.

emails to thai air...well, what do you expect? and to go through the Los Angeles office of thai air, the same exact ticket was $400 more. go figure.

the travel gods were with me this evening. after a couple tries, my credit card was finally accepted. (now let's hope it won't get stolen and used rampantly throughout asia!)

woo-hoo. october 4 - november 15. nepal. tibet, hopefully, too. everest base camp, possibly? annapurna circuit definitely.

stoked.

r a n d o m o n i a

mom left this morning. first time in years she didn't make me batshit at various points. i love my mom, but adult parent-child relationships can be...ah, interesting? challenging? AFOG. (another fuckin' opportunity for growth). that's what they are.

i have new neighbors upstairs. they turn their TV on at 6am. they listen to the stereo on heavy bass... their footsteps are much heavier than our previous neighbors. old neighbors even had delightfully exuberant pit bulls who ran laps. must meet new neighbors else they only annoy from afar.

new ink. covering my first tattoo. larger chest piece. slippery slope. pretty colors.

paul's about to lose his yoga bet. five spin classes in june. cannot wait to see this.

not exercising due to daily 9am work meeting (wtf?) and long hours. might be blowing off the morning meeting. exercise is sanity when working crazily.

breathing. it is an important thing to do.

june is around the corner. june conveys beginnings and endings. i was both married and divorced in the month of june. this year june promises long hours working. more tattoo fun. hopefully some good outdoorsy action. the possibility of my new bike being completed?

bike? ride? not hardly these days. sad.

but so much good around.

un-haiku

b l a n k e t
need blanket
whiskers scratch tattoo

May 24, 2007

Start to Finish

What an annoyingly off day today was.

It started with the ECD (head creative honcho, for those who don't adspeak) directing a fucking-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck rant at me over some images not being in his important little hands. Uh-huh, dude, I don't care who you are, don't be an unprofessional fuck and speak to me in that manner. I don't sit so far from the front door, and you ain't paying me enough money to take your bullshit on.

Then the trip over the Bay Bridge home was The Worst I've Ever Seen. It took a full 40 minutes to get on the damn bridge.
I drove into work today because my mom came into town, and had to lug her luggage.

She's now asleep on my couch snoring as loud as an old man who has a barrel chest andhair in his ears.
Except she has neither.
But, damn. She's loud. Wonder if we'll get much sleep tonight.

TGIF tomorrow....

May 21, 2007

Ask and ye shall receive


Wacky Glassy
Originally uploaded by jenworth.
It sounds silly to believe in the power of intention. But I do.

It happens over and over, where I ask for something, and when I really am clear about my intentions, things show up.

Like work. Until last week, I'd only worked three weeks this year. I'd had a nice long break since Thanksgiving.

I put it out there: work, please show up. I made a couple small actions in contacting a couple people and agencies whom I'd never worked with.

A gig rolled in, booking me through the end of June. Then another agency wanted to book most of my June. Funny how that happens.
When the bank account starts getting uncomfortably low, work always shows up. I trust this, and I think that's why I'm a stress-free freelancer.

But, oh man, is it rough to go from limitless free time without much responsibility to flat-out slammed silly busy. My brain actually takes a day or two to get used to the juggling state of overwhelm. It takes adjusting to squeeze life in around the edges of work. Weekends become all about errands and laundry. I honestly don't know how staffers do it on a year in, year out basis. I can do it in the short-term because I'm paid hourly and anything is possible for short stints.

Last week was a doozy. The agency I'm working at now is new, and it's like a hip ad agency thrown into a dot-com blender. I easily saw 55 hours worked last week. I was exhausted and drained at the end of each day, and cumulatively, at the end of the week.

Time to suck it up, kiddo. Remember: Nepal. That's what I keep telling myself.

May 13, 2007

It's always changing

I was looking forward to an exciting May. All kinds of adventures.

It's a good reminder to not get attached to things. For the most part, that has been easy to do. The Grizzly Peak Century was last weekend. I rode it, but bailed around 57 miles. My allergies have been active recently, and this resulted in my asthma flaring up on the ride. I knew it wasn't smart to do the full 108 even though I had an inhaler. And then Mark's chain broke. That sealed the deal. Mark had been an angel and was hanging back with me while I was slow poking it. With a broken chain, thus concluded our ride. We called Paul to come get us in Moraga.

Oh well. It was a lovely day for riding. 55+ miles plus isn't too shabby. But I'm starting to feel lame....because now I can't do the Davis Double either.

Remember how I was wanting to get some work? It's here. I went in one day to get aquainted, and tomorrow I start for real. Looks like they need me through June. I am walking into some heavy disorganization. I know this place to be demanding and stressful and 24/7. I will be grateful for the work and shut up (for now). Even if I did lower my rate a bit.

So this week will be nuts and I can't cut out early on Friday or be unreachable on Saturday. So it was with much regret that I had to tell Mark I wasn't riding Davis. Ultra-lame cause I had bugged him to register and ride it with me.

Oh, and the Yosemite trip? That got bagged, too. Sadly. Paul's not been bounding back in his recovery quite as fast as we'd hoped. It wouldn't have been fun, he would have parked it by the river and not moved. We'll go another time.

I did manage a hike this weekend. Tennessee Valley over to Rodeo Beach. Wonderful. Amazing views. Can't believe I've not done that one before.

Now that I'll be working, I have to manage to get exercise in before work. Six a.m. spin classes just aren't fun for me. But I gotta do them. I realized my tip-top fitness has been slipping because of being in a relationship and living with Paul. No blame, it's just been some choices I've made.

It's just time to make some different choices.

May 1, 2007

Defensiveness

Defensiveness is the bastard child of shame.

that's the difference between sensitivity and defensiveness.