right livelihood.

I can only squelch it down for so long when I work in advertising. It's been eleven months since I've been at my current ad gig. While the people are cool, the work environment casual and dog-friendly, I can't lie to my soul. Yes, I enjoy juggling, making things happen, having a semi-creative job and producing cool stuff. But at the end of the day, it doesn't satisfy me. I feel like those hours are lost from my life without anything to show. I don't feel passionate about my job. I don't come home at the end of the day excited and filled with energy. (Does anyone, really?)

I want more. I want this moreness to not involve a cubicle. Or many hours in a chair. Or long meetings. All of that.

I am on the verge of another change. I feel it. The stirring of dissatisfaction with the notion that my work isn't contributing to the world in some meaningful way. Let's face it, advertising isn't life altering. That Jeep? It won't make you a kinder, more thoughtful person. That award you won, the PR you received, it's all ego gratification. There's more out there.

My Anusara Immersion began. Weekend #1 of 6 was this past weekend. It was wonderful, exhausting, enlightening, and powerful to be in a room packed with people dedicated to the same practice, of wanting to know themselves more and to be more open to life.

I'm toying around with the idea of studying massage therapy in addition to yoga. Who knows where this exploration will lead. I'm open to the possibilities.

All I know is that we are very clearly in a recession, and it may not be the wisest time to jump into the unknown. Or it could be the best time. Fear has held me in place more than once in my life, and I am listening to the fear now, but now I can listen and let it wash away. I can leave work whenever I want. It would be foolish to jump now. I would like a little more of a plan. I can study massage on weekends, just like yoga. Now, instead of being fearful I'm excited to be open to what may come next.