Warning! Whining Rant Ahead!

WARNING! If you don't feel like listening to me whine like a pathetic little wuss, don't bother reading further. See that button in the upper right part of your screen that says "Next Blog"? Hit it now. Move along. NOW!

Y'know how in my last post I mentioned I "might" be getting sick. Strike that. I"M FUCKING SICK. and you know what? I'M FUCKING SICK OF BEING SICK. I was sick two goddamn weeks ago with the stomach flu. Now, I've got whatever lungcrud is floating around.
I've had a fever over a hundred degrees since SUNDAY.

I've tried to be "good". I've called in sick the past two days. (As a freelancer, this is COSTING ME A LOT OF FREAKIN' MONEY, THIS BEING SICK!) I've not gone to the gym, worked out, anything more than hauling my sorry ass to the bathroom. (HELLO, FRIENDS WHO THINK I HAVE AN EXERCISE OBSESSION: you might be right, and just you wait until I turn into a raging bitch without the benefit of mood enhancing endorphins that might otherwise come in the form of MEDS!) I have eschewed my normal dinners of cereal to turn the OVEN ON to make myself a real, healthy dinner. I have been hydrating like a motherfucker, taking all sorts of crap like echinacea, Wellness Formula (then why am i NOT WELL YET?)

I FEEL LIKE SHIT. It's hard to breathe. My back, ribcage, and abdomen HURT FROM COUGHING ENDLESSLY.

I am BORED. I have read every stupid magazine known to womankind. Even OPRAH. Take that, you know who!

I have my first ride of the season on SATURDAY. What the hell are the chances I will be well enough to ride? Uh-huh. And what are the chances I will ride anyway? Bingo.

AND ON TOP OF THIS BEING SICK BULLSHIT: I was eating cereal (for breakfast! not even for dinner!) yesterday, and another goddamn crown cracked. Note for those keeping track: this is the second one in a MONTH! (oh wait! like the second time in a MONTH THAT I'M SICK?! oh, yes!) This crown, like the other one, was TWO YEARS OLD and done by a seemingly skilled dentist with a swanky San Francisco office and was RECOMMENDED BY FRIENDS! side rant: how can you tell the quality of a dentist's work? sure you can get recommendations from friends, but you can't ask them to open their mouths to see their work, ask how long they've had it done, and what kind of workmanship was involved!

SO ON TOP OF BEING SICK, I SAT IN THE DENTISTS CHAIR FOR TWO ANNOYING HOURS TODAY. My new dentist is cool; he's being doing it for 30+ years, and he understands my MASSIVE FEAR, and that I don't get in the chair without valium or nitrous.
So he goes to offer me the gas, and this dental assistant, whom I've never met before today, said "Oh! You don't need that! Besides, it's not good for you anyway." I shot this woman the Look of Death. Before I could respond, Dear Dentist replied to her, "Yes, she does need it. She's one of our Special Patients". So I went through the process of getting the old crown pulled off, ground down, and prepped for an all-new crown. CAN I TELL YOU IT WAS LIKE A PARTY IN MY MOUTH? would you believe me?

So to wind down the RANT: I found some codeine cough syrup in the back of a cabinet. I took THREE TIMES the normal dose, hoping to knock myself out and get some sleep that didn't involve fits of convulsive coughing jags. Did it work? YOU'RE READING THIS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!?

Fuckin'-A, man. I need to be well. Soon. Like now.

No Pictures, No Updates? Nah!

I was waiting to blog until I uploaded my Tahoe pix. Hasn't happened yet. Not even sure where the memory card is. Lazy? Nope, just too much going on.

Anyway, Tahoe was a blast! The timing of the stomach flu pushed our trip back to a time when there was SNOW! Took a long time to drive up and back, but worth it! Last Monday we had great weather and about six inches of fresh powder. It was super! My knee pads proved useful, though there wasn't ice to crash on. (Dorky, yes! However, my knee still hurts from February.) As I gain an understanding of boarding, I realize how much my relic of a board sucks. It's way stiff and too small for me. I'm coveting a Smokin' Snowboard, but I can't justify a board if I can't pro-deal it. Anyway, Tuesday was snow. SNOW, as in heavy, wet falling snow. Boardin' Buddy wanted to bail and not bother, but I persisted. We were there, let's go! Until the visibility got really crappy, we had a good half day. My usual bag of tricks didn't work with this heavy, sticky snow. I had to really gain speed or I was going down in piles of heaviness. I had one of my most informative days ever, really feeling like I got the feel for boarding. I LOVE the run called Lombard Street at Homewood. It's all these really swooshy curves, and I feel much more comfortable on Lombard than I did back in January. I also love The Glades, except for the annoying catwalk leading up to the run. The other great thing: NO INJURIES! Some minor whiplash, but when you epic in powder it's not so bad. I'd love to get up for one more trip before the season ends, but I'm guessing I won't be make it. I am starting to think about getting in on a ski house rental next year, if I still live in the Bay Area.

I'm still training for the Tahoe Century, although I don't seem to be riding with my Team in Training team so much right now. Last week's ride at Pt. Reyes got called off for rain. Yesterday I rode with some of the folks from the Berkeley Ironworks bike club. Prior to yesterday, my longest ride had been 40 miles. Yesterday, I rode 80 miles. From the Peet's Coffee in Claremont (Berkeley) to the top of Mount Diablo (elevation 3800+) and then back through Walnut Creek, Danville, Lafayette, and such. Our group dwindled down as people took BART back to Berkeley. A woman I've ridden with before, Ann, and I broke off from the group (the other two, at this point) and we made our way back to San Pablo Dam road from Lafayette and Orinda, WITHOUT A MAP and really sketchy directions on where we were going. It was kinda funny, because as tired as I was, I wanted to haul ass to get home. I bolted through the rollers, and I don't think I went under 19 MPH the whole way home. But damn, I did it! I was really nervous before the ride, since I was riding with experienced cyclists. I still consider myself a novice who happens to be very strong.

While riding up to the top of Diablo (a 12.5 mile uphill ride) I recalled to the riders my first time hiking up Diablo and seeing the cyclists riding up the hill. I thought, "What the hell are these people thinking? Are they nuts?". Marty said, "And the rest is history".
Fuck. The last 100 yards before the summit is sheer hell. A 17% grade when you least need it.

I'm not sore today, just fatigued. Might be getting sick, I seem to have a hundred degree fever. What's that all about? Wasn't I just sick like two weeks ago? I went to a three hour yoga workshop. It was great to stretch but it sapped the last of my zip.

I have the Cinderella Ride next weekend, a 65 mile ride for women only. I should take it easy this week and not spin my brains out every day. We'll see if I can pull that off.

Not much else exciting going on. It's work, dogs, and cycling still.

My Dear Doggos

doggers
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Just wanted to share this pic of Milo chillin' by his Big Red Ball (he does have teeth, he looks like an ole' geezer in this for some reason) and Luna in the background, being the typical ball-obsessed-blur that she is.

I love these two more than I can say. They're my fuzzy kids.

So whilst I tell woes of their ill health, they still are loving life.

At least I got in a hike!

cataract trail
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Whoa. Life's been a bit of a rollercoaster lately. The usual crazy business, which just is part of Being Jen. (A friend once told me I squeeze three days into each day.)

Things have been extra stressful lately due to the Doggos. Both Milo and Luna had ultrasounds this week. We knew Milo had kidney damage from this strange bacterial infection. Turns out Luna does, too, but she's such a stoic little girl that she's been masking it all; on paper, she's worse off than Milo. It's really sad, because this points to some environmental cause. It's hard to not over-scrutinze what the cause might be, but all I can do is move forward and love them a whole lot.

The dogs have crazy medical bills, needless to say, and now BOTH will be on this uber-expensive antibiotic FOR LIFE. This means this freelancin' I'm doing back in advertising must go on. Sad, really, because this means I can't focus on my dog training business. I squeeze in clients here and there and can't really pursue growing the business in any kkind of meaningful way when my energies go three-days-a-week-plus into ad work.

What else? Just got sideswiped by the stomach flu. Still feeling a little murky from it, but at least I am no longer uttering, "kill me now". Last night I didn't sleep with a bucket by the bed. Yeah!

Okay, now that I've done what seems to be a fair amount of bitching, I need to point out a few good things:

As much as I find advertising unrewarding and unfulfilling, I'm grateful to be able to make the money I do when I need to.

See the above photo: I went on a kick-ass hike to Cataract Falls in Marin last weekend. Nature is essential to my soul.

I'm enjoying this road biking thing more than I thought I would. Spring is in the air, and the fragrant air is something I love to take in on early morning bike rides. I'm learning more about the lay of the land, and the surrounding areas where I live than I ever did in a car.

I'm going to Tahoe next week. I bought knee pads. The knee has a very deep bone bruise from my last trip when I crashed hard on ice. Boarding is insanely painful while learning, but stupidly gratifying. Hey, Tahoe Guy: can you make sure there's some fresh powder for next week?

Why I'm a Vegetarian

BurgerKing
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Reason #511: A side of ribs really isn't so different than beef arse.

mmmmmmmMMeeat.

Hungry?

Team in Training

TNT Buddy Ride
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

See that photo?

It's weird for me to look at it. If you'd told me not long ago that I'd be on a road bike cycling in the rain, I would have told you were nuts. A road bike?! No way! Give me a mountain bike any day. Riding in the rain? Hiking is one thing, but skinny tires on wet pavement? Pavement, period? All of those things surprise me.

So why the hell am I doing this?

I joined Team in Training, an endurance sports training program which raises money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
I'm training for "The World's Most Beautiful Bike Ride", AKA the Tahoe Century. It's as the name suggests, a 100 mile bike ride around Lake Tahoe.

I haven't ridden a road bike since an accident in 1988, when I was living and riding in NYC and my skinny tire went down into a drainage grating. Un-fun. But I decided to conquer this fear and raise money for a good cause. Both of those are good reasons, but in a way, my primary reason was to honor my friend Mary who lost her husband, John, to leukemia a couple years ago. John was a wonderful man, and to see the family go through what they did was heartwrenching. Cancer can touch any person, any family, and I wanted to help, in some small way, from another family having to go through what Mary has.

So I got a road bike (Thank you, REI employee discount!) and joined Team in Training (TNT).

You'll be hearing more about this on my blog, for sure. The ride is June 5, 2005. For those of you close to me, you'll probably be hit up to sponsor me. But for now, enjoy the photo above. This was our "buddy ride" this morning; it was a 19 mile ride out along the Carquinez Strait. Some of the ride was in the rain.

If I hadn't ridden with the group, I would have blown off riding today because of the weather, but somehow riding with a bunch of people I don't know, but we constitute a team, I had the energy to do it...and enjoy it!

I'm looking forward to a good season of riding, re-learning cycling, meeting new people and raising money for a great cause.
Stay tuned for the adventures....

Whiplash

skihomewood
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Just got back from a really great trip to Tahoe.

Except I've got whiplash and it hurts to hold my head up. (Caught a heel edge going pretty fast and did a back-flip and landed on the back of my head. OUCH!)

Two more days of boardin' fun. Four days this year, six days total on a board, ever. Feel like it's getting more comfortable, but sometimes the heel edge eludes me.

It's a lot of fun when it's good and it's ridiculously painful when it's not. I'm sportin' some new color, and it ain't ink. It's black-and-blue. I've got some pretty sexy knees right about now.

We drove the longer way to Tahoe, through Coloma down Highway 49, to Placerville, then out Highway 50 to South Lake. Drove around the lake, stopped briefly at a casino on the Nevada side.

Can I just complain how much slot machines suck now? They are too confusing, overly computerfied, and they don't even spit out your winnings in change....there's a fake "tinkle, tinkle" sound of falling change. What a rip! You get a credit to take to the cashier. It sucked. I played two bucks and it was completely ungratifying.

The weather gave us a couple inches of nice dry powder the first day. Our second day was nicer weather. Homewood is great, not too crowded and very mellow.

Oh! My biggest snowboarding accomplishment? At the end of the day, I got off the lift THREE, count 'em, three, times without crashing! That's huge, usually my getting off the lift is somewhat of a comical spectacle of uncoordination. Ride the stomp pad, baby, and it's all good.

I'm rambling. Maybe I have a head injury to go with my whiplash?

A sign...

Saw this Signage
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

When we finished our hike, we saw this sign.

Who was I to ignore the reminder?

Another week, another hike

Larkspur Hike
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

This week's photo and hike brought to you courtesy of the "Hiking in Marin" book. Found this nice 4 mile hike in Baltimore Canyon. Lots of redwoods, a small water fall, and a great view at the top. A sweet hike.

Update on life:

Ugh. The dogs. Milo seemed all better, back to his feisty self and over 100 pounds again. Unfortunately, tests show the pseudomonus bacteria still residing in his kidneys. Back on antibiotics.

Luna's not well, either. She's been incontinent here and there, low energy and not herself. Urine tests show something slightly suspicious, so she's off for blood tests tomorrow.

My lucrative soul-selling-ad-gig has dried up, and so has the resulting money. This detail leaves me an extra bit stressed about the dogs illnesses because not only are my Little Guys not well, the money to pay for all the tests, meds, etc. is just not there right now.

It'll work out. Somehow. I'm not ruling out a life of crime....

Winter in Yosemite

Skate Yosemite
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I'm back from Yosemite. Early.

I'd never experienced winter in Yosemite. Let me tell you, it's whole different scene in the winter.

It's a given that there's snow everywhere. The roads are icy, sandy and pot-holed. It's not easy to get around. But what's odd, is that no one wants to. Everyone is kind of hunkered down, hibernating, if you will.

My plans to go boarding at Badger fell through, twice. Word had it that Badger was pretty icy, but also inertia kept folks from actually getting up in the morning and getting their asses moving. Myself included.

Over in the Curry side of things, the sun doesn't visit the valley floor. It's gray. Dark. I wasn't really aware of it until two days later when I could stand it no longer.

I had to flee. My body was stiff from not moving. I heard a storm was moving in, and I knew I didn't want to get stuck in the Valley.
So I split early. I just couldn't hang with how disconnected I felt from everything.

It was great to see folks. Ice skating in the open air rink was a real treat. I forgot how much fun ice skating is. It was nice to see Yosemite in a different season. I'll look forward to the spring when warmer, longer days bring movement again to the Valley.

In Lieu of Hiking

Marin Beach
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Last Sunday, the hiking book went AWOL. Without a concrete plan, the hike eluded us. We found ourselves at a beach in the Marin Headlands. A gorgeous, chilly day to take in the blue skies and watch the surfers.

Ever notice how much surfing resembles snowboarding?

My crazy work schedule has, thankfully, dissolved into wide open space. With the holidays behind us, REI has slowed down. The freelance gig has dried up...for now.
I've got time, but it still doesn't seem like there's enough time in the day to accomplish all I hope to do. Oh well.

If all goes as planned, I'm heading to Yosemite this weekend, hopefully for some boardin' at Badger, a little ice skating, and some high mountain air.

Tahoe Snow

Out the Window
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

You know, this post should really be titled, "On My Knees".

That's how I spent much of my time in Tahoe.

I'm sore. Achy. Happy. Had a blast in Tahoe, but I'm learning to snowboard, so you know what that means: pain. Falling, crashing, twisting, pulling myself back up and trying again.

I'd gone boarding once before, last April at the end of the season. It was icy, and crashing on ice sucks.

I was stoked to give it another go! This time there was fresh powder. Completely different! It was like surfing on frosting, it was smooth and lush swishing back and forth. I got stuck in catwalks aplenty, hopping my board forth to get the slightest slope to give me some forward momentum. Crashing in powder was pretty fun, except for trying to dig myself back out and get upright.

The first day was a slow start, trying to remember how to do this. I couldn't tell if I was goofy or regular, and this caused some slowness. I fell with regularity. It was humbling, humiliating, and FUN!!! The snow was heavy and wet, and it was a cold and snowy day at Homewood.

The hot tub took the edge off the soreness from the first day. Hot tubbing outdoors during snowfall was a treat. It's something everyone should experience.

Second day on the slopes was fresh POWDER! Fun stuff! Even though I still fell a bunch, I had moments where it seemed completely natural to be snowboarding. And then...Crash! I got a bit better about going faster, but still need to relax into speed. I get all scaredy-cat about losing control while going fast and the resulting crash! As the day progressed, I became more comfortable with picking up speed and taking corners.

Homewood overlooks Lake Tahoe, so there were times when I'd just stare out at the Lake after crashing. The cold snow felt good on my sore ass.

I'm back home, eager to board again real soon. I'm sore as hell, in places that I'd expect and also in a couple surprise places.

The whole Tahoe trip rocked. Even the time spent on my knees. Snow was everywhere, at least six or eight feet on the sides of the road. It was gorgeous!

I Saw This.....

fortune
Originally uploaded by pallid7.

Saw this photo while roamin' on Flickr. Loved the fortune, the lighting, and just wanted to remember this...

A New Year

Happy 2005, y'all!

I went to be at 10pm last night, but heard the new year being hailed by gun shots and automatic weapons being fired in the distance. Gotta love this town, man. It's ghettoriffic at times. Woke up at an astonishingly late hour (for me) of 9am. I have a head cold, so that's my excuse. I'm being a total slug today, staying in my PJs and reading the new Yoga Journal. I miss coffee, and I've utterly blown it on the no-sugar thing.

I won't do the recap of 2004 that seems so prevalent. I am, however, the type to do resolutions for the upcoming year. Haven't done 'em yet. But I've been thinking all morning that I need something to train for, a goal, a physical challenge. Right now, I'm thinking of getting involved with Team in Training to train for a century ride this coming June. I don't even have a road bike. But I do spin my brains out on a regular basis, so cycling is sorta familiar to me. I'd like to get outside and ride, maybe if I get a road bike, this is the ticket. (I've been afraid of road bikes since I high sided in a cycling accident in NYC in 1988.)

It's been pissing rain for days. But it's snowin' in Tahoe, and this is good! Gonna go snowboarding in two weeks, and I'm really looking forward to going again.

I have nothing interesting to say, my head is full of snot. That is all.

Wishing you a healthy, safe, and happy time ahead.

Three Days

Sunday Hike
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Yup, It's been three days without coffee. And kinda without sugar (had maple syrup, and a Clif Bar). Been a little fuzzybrained in the morning, and miss the coffee ritual. But really, it's the sugar thing. NO CHOCOLATE!
Why the hell am I doing this, again? It's not so bad when I'm not in a craving moment.

The photo above is from The Sunday Hike. Went to Sunol again. Smaller hike, but weather loomed. We saw pissed off cows, and for a second, thought they were gonna come after us.

Survived Christmas. Not a fan of the holiday, at all. Went to the in-laws for brunch. Not bad this year. Good waffles, bad carb coma.
Got in a nap AND a small hike in Wildcat Canyon.

I have four days off! Crazy! Plans include lots of extra time at the gym, hitting the slackline, and getting some stuff taken care of around the house. Nothing too exciting, which is exactly what I need.

By the time I go back to work, I should be a little less fuzzy and cranky without my vices.

Boxing Girls

Boxing Girls
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

When I'm not at work, I'm at the gym. Here's A photo of some of the Ladies Who Box, taken after boxing class.

On my left is my pal Natalie, who has also been my climbing partner. This photo was taken on Nat's last night in Berkeley. We sparred and beat the shit out of each other, but she really kicked my ass.

Nat's moving to Bend, OR. Bummer.

Heavy

Whoa. The next evening after writing this, yesterday's thought seems so heavy. All true, but the words dragged like heavy weights. Yesterday was a miserable shade of blue, a funk-and-a-half. There's a reason my mood was so extreme, I think. I've noticed this the past two Mondays. No, I don't hate Mondays any more than the average person. It's what I do to myself on Sundays. Even though I've been getting in some good hikes, I've been overindulging, in spades, in my three favorite vices: Coffee, Sugar and KGB. Probably not hydrating in any way that compensates for the vices. I feel great on Sunday, come Monday, I feel like ass. Sluggish. Foggy. Cranky. Moody as hell. (Doesn't help that at Chiat on Mondays there's always lots of junk food.)

So....

My present to myself is to give up coffee and sugar starting in Christmas day. Yeah, like four days from now. (I say this as I'm sitting here munching cinnamon-sugar covered almonds!) I'm determined.

STOP LAUGHING!!!

It may not be forever. It may be just until The Evil Duo and I can co-exist in a more moderate way. Until the cravings stop. Until their grips are loosened. Until both can be considered a treat, rather than a staple.

(Just to complicate things, I'm considering going back to being vegan, too.)

Stuck Inside

Looking Out
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I'm losing my grip. By all accounts I "should" be happy. Aside from working too much, it appears that life is good.

It's not. It's stagnant.

I have decisions to make. But each decision is like a piece of a puzzle. Until "x" piece gets put in place, "y" piece cannot be found and put into it's proper spot. Life isn't as simple as this though, not as obvious, more emotional.

It's more like dominoes. One decision could put into place a whole wave of movement. Or a topple. Change will be guaranteed, and that's the only guarantee. Change. I need it, fear it, loathe it, but it desperately needs to come. One little change, or a whole lot of change. Not sure which.

It could be the season. Or it might not be. I recall last Christmas I had realizations that wound up being life changing.

Happy Solstice.

Hikey Sunday

Sunol Regional Wilderness
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

Pulled off another Sunday Hike! This one was in the Sunol Regional Wilderness in the East Bay. Close to home, and really beautiful! Did some rock scrambling in the stream, got up close to cows and talked to them, and breathed fresh air. So good for my mental health!

A Bit of Nature....

God Rays
Originally uploaded by jenworth.

I've been workin' like a crazyfool. I'm bone tired. No really, I swear my bones ache from being so exhausted. I'm getting cranky and forgetful.

But! I had a bit of downtime this past weekend and I got out in nature. It's unbelievable how much that helps my mental health.

I went out to Point Reyes Lighthouse. It's quite a drive out there on pretty, winding roads. The lighthouse itself seems to be at the edge of the earth, it's so remote.

I got some good shots of the lighthouse, but I liked the contrast in this photo: the light versus dark, the stillness and the movement as well as the expansiveness of it all.